I've got one word for you...

No.


Nope.


Nosiree.


Nein.


Non.

So there you go - I am good at saying no, I can say it normally, in slang, elongate it and I can even say it in different languages!

But apparently I'm not great at saying it in life.

Well at least that's how it appears looking from the outside in.

In the last 4 weeks I've literally had 4 people in separate conversations say to me 'soooo, you just need to learn how to say no then'...in response to me explaining how my life looks currently.

No prompting, they've all come out with it of their own accord, much to my surprise and bemusement!

I've quickly replied 'But...I can! In fact I'm heaps better now then I used to be!!'

But upon closer inspection, perhaps that's not the whole truth and nothing but.

Yes I've definitely got a lot better with saying no to different outings, even with my closest friends I can say 'you know what, I might pass on that'.

But then when it comes to new opportunities...particularly with something I've wanted to do for a while or will give me a new experience, I tend to say sure, add it to the mix.

I'm such an Aussie - the 'she'll be right' attitude is alive and well in me!

Oh and did I mention helping others? Because I'm a sucker for that. If it's something that will help another person, add it on!

Clearly it's not a bad thing to help others - I really enjoy it - but when it's at the expense of your own self, probably not so great.

So as my lovely and wise friend Ali said to me the other night...

Perhaps it's not about saying no as much as saying 'I'd love to but I can't right now, my schedule won't allow it', or words to that effect.

This is a concept I've struggled with lately - it's not so much that I'm a sadist and want to cram my schedule.

I just think I've been showing my Gen Y'ness by wanting it all now...rather than taking a step back to say ok I'll do that now, then I can do that later this year, next year etc etc.

Actually, more to the point is that I haven't had any sort of long range plan and flying by the seat of my pants isn't the best way for me to do things.

The other thing I need to do is let go of the need to be superwoman for everyone else and remember to make time to feed my soul!

As I heard the Dalai Lama himself say just last week - you need to make sure you take care of yourself first so then you're able to help others.

And yes, I know there's been quite a few of you saying this to me lately - it's definitely a lesson for me at the moment!

The question I find myself asking is why do I have to be superwoman anyway?

And since when did I become the person who can't stop or take time for myself?

I'm not quite sure really, but I'd like to let both go because neither is doing much for me.

So now my mission...and yes I choose to accept...is to take the cape off and put my undies back on the inside!

Hmmm...what's that funky smell...

That's what I've been asking myself as I've attempted to extricate myself from the mini funk I found myself in this afternoon and evening!

By 11am today, I was feeling really fatigued and by the time I got home I've felt completely demotivated and just like I don't really care.

It's funny, because I've told a couple of friends in the last couple of days that in the past month or so, I've realised that I am happy to divulge my honest thoughts...it doesn't really worry me now what others think about them. A big change for me, but a good one!

And then here I am thinking that I'll wait until I have something happier or positive or inspiring to write before I type my next blog post.

Ha! Hypocrite!!!

Enter 'Trailing Grace' - the fantastic new blog of one of my good friends Grace - and her interesting, inspiring introspective for today was all about the child within and honouring your inner voice.

The end two paragraphs really stood out for me...

This reconciliation between the two sides has resulted in a deep sense of harmony. I am no longer fighting over myself over a bar of chocolate or whether or not I should go for a run. We share the same goals. We are a team. Now that I am no longer fighting myself, I have so much more energy to move forward. I'm almost scared to think of what could happen. But I won't think.... I'll just do. One step at a time.

Until tomorrow, takes steps in resolving your inner conflict and reconcile your opposing facets.

So what's my inner conflict today? Why am I feeling funky?

Partly, I think I've just been employing an old habit of mine which is polarised thinking - ie if it's not all good, then it's all bad.


While for the most part I'm an uber positive person (ha ha Dad, that uber wasn't necessary, I put it in just for you!) I do have quite high standards for myself, and once I'm feeling a little flat, I jump on it to try and untangle it.

Because I do take full responsibliity for all aspects of my experience, once it's not 100% positive, I tend to chastise myself - and it turns into what am I doing wrong to have created this (hello ego!).

Often I'm pretty sure that if I'd just let the thought go on it's way rather than focusing on it and making more of it, it would have died a timely death.

But no, being a recovering perfectionist, I try and fix it!

Then there's the good old impatience shining through - I feel like I'm in an incubating time at the moment, but where's the excitement in that! I want to be doing something!!!

Oh little grasshopper, one day you will learn the value of resting and just being!

Phew, well I am going on a bit here, and essentially writing what should be 5 blog posts in one.

Anyway, the good news is - I'm feeling a lot less funky and a lot more spunky again now. In fact I'm sitting here giggling about how I can get so serious about things sometimes!

But that's a whole other blog...and I am now looking forward to writing again regularly. There is plenty that I want to share, and it won't all begin with mopey diatribe!