The plot thickens...

Wow...what a day...what a weekend...what a fortnight!! 

The lessons and kerplunk moments are coming thick and fast for me at the moment (you know the ones when the penny doesn't just drop, they hit the ground with a thud!).

I started writing this last week, but didn't get the chance to actually hit post...could've partially been me wanting my ducks in a row before I posted it, ie wanting to be 'cured' of my chest infection entirely.

But as it turns out this lovely chesty business had a bit more to teach me than I'd first thought!

I got to a point last week when I thought - wow would you just go away.

But as I'm learning more and more, my body is a sensitive apparatus nowadays.

When I'm out of balance, be it mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually - it quickly shows itself...and doesn't go away until the imbalance is fixed, consciously or subconsciously.

Not that I jump right to it and fix things at the slightest inkling, but in cases such as this, I didn't really have the choice. It was a little too obvious for me to ignore and hoping it'd just go away wasn't working!

So finally last week I went 'right body, clearly I still haven't learnt the lesson, otherwise you would be feeling better by now - so let's have it!'

Without further ado, here's some of the things I've learn this last few weeks...I say some, because this is really only a snippet!

Despite having a lot of colour in my life...I can be a bit black and white

Which is kind of funny seeing as I'm a Collingwood supporter!

I can be very logical, cause and effect - which serves me well in a lot of instances.

But where it doesn't serve me is when I get into judgment mode - making something right or wrong and  only looking at the surface to make a fairly snap judgment rather than looking deeper, or taking a step back to see the trees and the forest.

Kind of funny seeing as I'm all about getting to the cause of things, not just treating the symptom!

Take this illness for instance...I instantly jumped to the conclusion that I'd been thinking the 'wrong' thoughts that I just need to fix and then voila, it'd be all good (a habit I'd been running with for a while, I think it's perfectionism in disguise!).

So off I went to my Mind-Body bibles - aka Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, and Inna Segal's The Secret Language of Your Body.

I read the symptoms, went yep - I tick all those boxes (not for the first time I might add, I've had chesty goodness before!). So now I'll stick my affirmations up, fix my thoughts and it'll all be ok.

What I've only just realised though that I forgot the crucial element - affirmations don't make things happen, they make things welcome. 

So me saying the 'right' words alone wasn't going to fix it - but it did bring about the elements I needed to look at. And in turn the healing.

Oh - KERPLUNK!!!!

That's freakin' hilarious - I literally only just realised that! Ha - I almost know Louise's book back the front and I am a massive mind-body head...but I'd forgotten that key element!!!!

Affirmations and thoughts in general are the beginning - not the be all and end all!

Aaah - this is what I love about life - the unfurling and discovering new gems!

Wow. Anyway, here's a few things that have contributed to me breathing clearer and having a much lighter chest...

1. I need to rest - and that's ok! 
• Nathan had said to me a week or so prior to me getting sick that I need to just take a week off for myself, but I said I couldn't. Well apparently I could when forced to!
• While I love to be on the go and doing things, it can be detrimental to my health when there's too much go and no stop.
2. Time to simplify my life. 
• Part of the mind-body symptom for an Upper Respiratory Cold is 'Too much going on at once' and boy have I had that in spades! An ongoing lesson for me is simplifying my life rather than attempting to do seventeen things at once, and not achieving any of them. 
• Essentially I need to give up the need to be superwoman - while I do look great in a cape, I'm not so down with the knickers over tights! 
3. I had too much Kapha going on...
• I'll explain this further this week when I finally do a blog on Ayurveda and it's amazing effect on my life! But essentially, I had been eating foods and doing things that caused a build up of Kapha in my body, aka mucus. Bleurgh.
4. I needed to get [more than] a few things off of my chest...
• Something that has happened progressively these last few weeks. Feeling better for it too!

And now for my personal favourite...

It's time to let my guard down.

I was lying in bed two Tuesdays ago after listening to week 1 of Dr Susan Bernstein's Reinvent your Role online course (all about getting more out of your work or figuring out where to next - highly recommend it!).

At any rate, as part of that session, she'd spoken about describing the Sensations in your body...then getting to the Emotion...then the Thought (or getting SET for short). 

As I mentioned before, I'd been going straight to the thought and then how I can fix it - ha! So anyway, I thought I'd give this a crack, because I had a very noticeable sensation to try it out on...

I felt like I had a brick on my chest so I thought ok, what does this actually feel like.

It's tight...restrictive...heavy. It's also feels like my heart's in a cage or armour or shell of some sort. Yeah that's it, a shell. But it's soft underneath.

And a second later I almost burst out laughing (but didn't because Nathan was sleeping!)...because I'm a Cancer...so yep it's time to shed my little crabby shell!

I'll split this particular topic into a few posts over the coming weeks - otherwise this is going to be a bit of an epic.

(Ha ha - I just walked out to the kitchen as this song lyric was played 'I've got nothing to hide'! True that!)

So to finish up - here's my favourite quote I've heard of late that I think sums up this post and my last few weeks perfectly...

"Your body never lies, but your mind seldom tells the truth."

And I'd add - don't try and tell your body that it's wrong, it's just a waste of time!

Quack, quack, quack...

Another old habit of mine that's been coming to the surface of late is what I like to call my 'ducks in a row' syndrome.

I have a tendency to want all of my ducks standing to attetnion nicely before I start something new...part a) of which is I want to know where I'll end up before kicking off!

To all of you 'fly by the seat of your panters', you'll be thinking where's the fun in that!

And I agree - often it can shut me down and make me take longer to get started on something, because I can't see what all the steps will be, or if I'll end up where I want to.

I guess it's a bit of a fear thing...of failure or success I'm not really sure.

The funny thing is, I'm actually quite good at living in the moment and just taking life as it comes.

Take last weekend for example. I spent the best part of 3 days with Ben traipsing around Sydney. And not once did I really know where I was, or what was happening next.

And I loved it!

I'm so used to being the navigator or the organiser (which is part is probably because I like being in control!), so the best thing was not having the foggiest where I was.

The other way my line of quackers manifests...needing to have enough time to finish something in full before I start it. Rather than chip away at it.

It's an interesting thing really and I'm not really sure why I do it. It causes me to put some things off for agres and in general get behind.

Again, I'm sure it's got something to do with the fear of failure/success. Oh and how could I forget perfectionism. Me and the big P - we go way back!

But again, the antidote is planning.

I'm great at keeping multiple things rolling along when I've got a plan written down. And when I've broken a big task into smaller ones.

Try and keep it all in my head and I come unglued.

I think I attempt to do it all in my head because it works for other people and therefore I 'should' be able to do that to. (Did I mention the word perfectionism, and therefore having unreachable standards for myself at times!)

And there inlies the problem. I'm not everyone else, and as Mum would rightly point out to me many times as a kid or teenager 'if your friends were going to jump off a bridge, would you?'

No. So then why do I persist in using a method that works for others and not me?!

I like planning. I like being organised. I like knowing where I'm headed. In fact I love it.

I'm the geek at work who loves the project plans complete with a gannt chart because I respond so well to anything that's visual.

And I work best when I use my magical project plans.

So the lesson for me?

Well I think there's 2 good ones here.

First is a new favourite quote from Denise Linn - it doesn't have to be done perfectly, it just has to be done. And be willing to do it badly.


And 2 - do what works best for this little black duck.

Hmmm...what's that funky smell...

That's what I've been asking myself as I've attempted to extricate myself from the mini funk I found myself in this afternoon and evening!

By 11am today, I was feeling really fatigued and by the time I got home I've felt completely demotivated and just like I don't really care.

It's funny, because I've told a couple of friends in the last couple of days that in the past month or so, I've realised that I am happy to divulge my honest thoughts...it doesn't really worry me now what others think about them. A big change for me, but a good one!

And then here I am thinking that I'll wait until I have something happier or positive or inspiring to write before I type my next blog post.

Ha! Hypocrite!!!

Enter 'Trailing Grace' - the fantastic new blog of one of my good friends Grace - and her interesting, inspiring introspective for today was all about the child within and honouring your inner voice.

The end two paragraphs really stood out for me...

This reconciliation between the two sides has resulted in a deep sense of harmony. I am no longer fighting over myself over a bar of chocolate or whether or not I should go for a run. We share the same goals. We are a team. Now that I am no longer fighting myself, I have so much more energy to move forward. I'm almost scared to think of what could happen. But I won't think.... I'll just do. One step at a time.

Until tomorrow, takes steps in resolving your inner conflict and reconcile your opposing facets.

So what's my inner conflict today? Why am I feeling funky?

Partly, I think I've just been employing an old habit of mine which is polarised thinking - ie if it's not all good, then it's all bad.


While for the most part I'm an uber positive person (ha ha Dad, that uber wasn't necessary, I put it in just for you!) I do have quite high standards for myself, and once I'm feeling a little flat, I jump on it to try and untangle it.

Because I do take full responsibliity for all aspects of my experience, once it's not 100% positive, I tend to chastise myself - and it turns into what am I doing wrong to have created this (hello ego!).

Often I'm pretty sure that if I'd just let the thought go on it's way rather than focusing on it and making more of it, it would have died a timely death.

But no, being a recovering perfectionist, I try and fix it!

Then there's the good old impatience shining through - I feel like I'm in an incubating time at the moment, but where's the excitement in that! I want to be doing something!!!

Oh little grasshopper, one day you will learn the value of resting and just being!

Phew, well I am going on a bit here, and essentially writing what should be 5 blog posts in one.

Anyway, the good news is - I'm feeling a lot less funky and a lot more spunky again now. In fact I'm sitting here giggling about how I can get so serious about things sometimes!

But that's a whole other blog...and I am now looking forward to writing again regularly. There is plenty that I want to share, and it won't all begin with mopey diatribe!

It doesn't have to be done perfectly, it just has to be done

This one sentence revolutionised my world a few weeks ago.

I was listening to Denise Linn on Hayhouse Radio (one of my favourite past-times) and this came through so clearly to me, it was like she was talking directly to me!!

She said to a caller 'It doesn't have to be done perfectly, it just has to be done. And you know what, you need to be willing to do it badly.'

It just makes so much sense!

In the past, I was fabulous at procrastinating because I wanted to 'do it right', or I didn't want to start something until I knew I had the time to do it all at once.

I say in the past, because I've committed to changing my ways! And boy has it made a difference.

This blog in itself is a great example - I had thought about it for a good few weeks, but wanted to have the 'right' look, or start with the right words or photos or whatever.

But you know what, it didn't have to be perfect. I just needed to get started....and look at me go now!

Any time I feel myself delaying on something, I remind myself...it doesn't need to be done perfectly. And it's like it's permission just to take the next step and see where it leads.

So the big question is - what in your life do you need to just do?

It feels so much better just to keep the energy flowing rather than think about how you haven't done something time and time again!

Speaking of which...time to go wrap my Christmas presents...