What is normal?

In the past, I've been guilty of saying on numerous occasions 'I just wish I was normal'...

Years ago, this usually came as part of a sobfest on Nathan's chest, after a day/week/month of struggle against anxiety and inner turmoil.

But it seems to still be around as I only said it a week or so ago...I had an issue that had bubbled to the surface that I just wanted to go away, rather than work through it and release it which in turn would make me feel better!

And you know, clearly I'm the only one who has to deal with mental, physical and emotional issues (stemming from the past and present)...because EVERYONE else is 'normal' after all!!!

So what is my obsession with normal?

I think for me, when it comes out in the way I've described above...it means problem-free! But then, where's the fun in that!!!

Or it can be not wanting to be weird/different to others...not wanting to have things going on that someone could look down on me for (I like how my ego conjures up that last part...because clearly I have such unsupportive family and friends - ha!!)

And I should add that on the flipside of me wanting to be 'normal' is my other obsession with having things that are 'just a little bit different'...a bit of a McEachen family hobby I think!

So just what is this ever-elusive normal? Why do I/we even use the word?

Is it an obsession with comparing ourselves to others...always with the end result that we're not normal and someone else is. Is it just the good old 'I'm not good enough...'??

Because you can guarantee that in comparison to someone else, you're always lower, higher, taller, shorter, thinner, fatter, over, under...etc etc

Since I started writing the draft of this blog over a week ago, I've had plenty of additional information that is helping me release my need for normality.

For instance, as a friend mentioned to me last week, what is normal for me isn't normal for someone else. So then - who's the true normal?!

By Googling it, you get a bunch of different definitions.

One of them contains the word average...which leads to yet another discussion, because who is average?

An average can only ever be 1 number...so then what happens to the other zillion people who fit on either side of that 1 particular number?

Funnily enough, I was onto something with normal meaning problem-free, as there's a biological definition that says 'Free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation...'

But then, show me someone who doesn't have any issues or problems, and I think you'll be looking at someone who's dead!

Because as I hear time and time again...

It's not about being 100% disease-free for your entire life. It's not about being 'perfect'. Life is all about living, growing, learning and expanding.

And at the end of the day - I actually love the things that at times I've thought made me 'abnormal'! I love all of the so-called 'problems' I've had to deal with.

Particularly in the last 4 or 5 years where I've made it somewhat of a sport to continually dig deeper...or peel back the layers of the onion as I call it. Yes there's been some decent challenges, but I've found some absolute gems along the way.

I've learnt so much and I really am looking forward to having many more 'aha' moments.

Or that feeling or relief / pride when I've worked something out...be it the inner cause of an outer problem, or that I'd been holding on to a particular old memory without realising.

So the moral of this story - I've now decided that everyone is normal (myself included), just in their own particular way.

And instead of wanting to be anyone else, I'll now continue working on loving me for who I am - a unique individual with my own set of variables!

Heads I...tails I...

I was listening to a great radio spot with Alan Cohen a week or so ago, and thought I'd share some of his wisdom.

It's really simple - but Nathan & I have both had a lot of fun with it.


Essentially when you have a decision to make - drill it down to two things, then flip a coin on it!

Before you flip, you make the decision to follow whatever comes up and then as he pointed out - the most important part is to watch your reaction in the 3 seconds after you see the result.

If it's relief or joy - you're on the right path. Tension or any other icky feeling, not so much.

I've been carrying a coin in my pocket these last couple of weeks and it works a treat!

I can be a little be indecisive at times - particularly when I'm trying to listen in to my intuition and my head's getting in the way saying 'kick it to me, kick it to me'!!!

So it's been so interesting to say right 'heads I...and tails I...' and go with it.

I think there's probably only been 1 time the result truly didn't feel right. So I went with the opposite. Otherwise, I've just followed the coin flip!

From should I play Netball next year, to should we take this road or that - it's good for big and small decisions.

Oh and there's even a poem to go with it, written by Piet Hines...

Whenever you’re called on to make up your mind

And you're hampered by not having any,

The way to make up your mind

Is simply by spinning a penny

Not so that chance shall decide the affair

While you’re passively standing there moping

But the moment the penny is up in the air

You suddenly know what you’re hoping!

PS Alan Cohen is the original Chicken Soup for the Soul man...when I went hunting for the poem (because it was tricky to drive and scribble at the same time!), I found a one-pager on what he discussed on the radio...click here to read more.

PPS I know this sounds too simple, but that's why it works!

You're simplifying the decision and even by quieting your mind for a split second, you let your heart and intuition into the equation...the bit that always know what path is best at that moment.

It's so true what our mate Piet wrote above, as soon as you flip you seem to know what you want!

And as I seem to get reminded time and time again - you can always make another decision.

In each moment, you just need to go with what feels right to you, for now.

There's no rule anywhere that says that any decision you make is absolute.

Happy flipping!