I am sensitive...and that's ok.

As I was writing the last post about the power of the exhale, I had a bit of a kerplunk moment.

Perhaps my lack of honouring the exhale is a good way to describe what’s been showing up physically for me of late.

Backing up a step, I got hives last week for the first time...and then the second...and I've still got a few lurking. Big flat red blotchy things, on different areas of my stomach, back and now even arms and legs.

And seriously, how much do I want to be itchy of late!

When I got the first bout of hives, I wasn't sure what on earth they were! So off I went to the Doctor and she quickly diagnosed me. Phew, I don't have meningococcal!

Then when I went on to list off my other skin conditions...itchy scalp...yeast rash on my back...she said to me...wait for it...

I think you might just have sensitive skin.

Wow, why didn't I think of that!

I know that doesn't sound earth shattering, but I'd actually never considered that. Hadn't put all of it together I guess.

So how that ties back into the exhale post from yesterday....

Of late, I’ve been so caught up in what I don’t have or still need, how I’m not good enough, not doing enough, should be further along, bigger, better, different...I’ve been forgetting to honour my exhale.

As in what I’ve released, how far I’ve come – honouring and appreciating everything I have done. That who I am, right here, right now is perfect, and I'm exactly where I need to be.

In short, that’s lead to me being uncomfortable in my own skin.

And gratitude, what gratitude?! Yes I’ve been doing it in fits and starts, but it's usually based on something external to me, not about myself.

  

Kind of funny really – as I mentioned, one of my skin ailments that I’ve had for yonks is a yeast rash on my back. I can't see it, so I've kind of let it just stay there!

I look it up in Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life and it says:

Denying your own needs. Not supporting the self.

And when does this flare up? When I'm trying to do everything for everyone else, and putting myself last. I'm trying to run with the crowd and do what everyone else does, even if that doesn't work for me.

More to the point - why is it not going away? I’m persisting with not supporting myself!!

It gets funnier when I read about what shoulders and back mean...not to mention hives...but if I write all of that, this will turn into another epic post!

  

So now back to the sensitivity (they don’t call me the Queen of Tangents for nothing!)...

After the sensitive skin statement, I took a step back and went actually, I'm sensitive in general!

Now that I've removed so many physical and mental layers thanks to Ayurveda and releasing a whole bunch of other beliefs and habits, I really am quite sensitive.

My lungs definitely are - being around smokers is a no-go for me now, and any kind of chemical or cleaner quickly gets me rasping. As does dog and cat fur I've found - dogs are what kicked off the hives!

I remember a homeopath saying that your lungs and skin conditions are often linked - as in that's the external way it shows. And in saying that to my fabulous friend Kylie, she also informed me that apparently liver and skin can be linked too...makes sense, seeing as liver is the seat of emotion, and quite often has anger issues linked to it too! In this case...angry inside...angry outside...tada!

My digestive system is a lot more sensitive now...or it could be that I just pay more attention to it. But at any rate, if I eat something that's not best for my body, I know about it quickly!

And I'm sensitive emotionally. I find more and more now that I can pick up on other people's vibes, and if I'm not careful, I take them on as my own! And you know what, I don't like watching icky things on TV, in fact I avoid it like the plague.

I'm also sensitive to stress (yes I can tend to create it for myself!). But I find now, that I can reach overload quicker if I don't get enough sleep, put myself under pressure at work, don't exercise at all etc etc. 

Doesn't mean I still don't give it a go, just to keep up with everyone else. But gone are the days of burning the candle at both ends without repercussions!!

Actually speaking of which - the Doctor said to me, it sounds like you just need to be somewhere you can do yoga each day and have no stress.

Ha! I laughed and said 'well I do practice yoga each day and it is one of my dreams to have my own yoga and wellbeing centre where I can relax and be stress free every day'!!!!!!!

Back to the sensitivity again, there's no doubt that my body is sensitive to my thoughts. I'm a huge believer in the mind-body connection, and I'm getting more and more great examples of it in my life where I can practice and learn...great case studies I guess!

Bottom line - I think I really need to work at appreciating how sensitive I am.

After all – how good is it that my body reacts to crap quickly and tells me it's out of kilter…be it what I’m eating, thinking, wearing, breathing in…not having a high tolerance for what can pollute my body is actually a good thing!

Or better yet, not having layers on layers on layers that hide how sensitive my body actually is, is a really good thing.

So instead of going ‘Good lord, what now? What am I doing/thinking wrong now?’, I’m going to remind myself to think ‘thanks body, you’re out of balance for a reason, and I’m going to try and remove that factor from my life’.

That feels better than the criticising and getting annoyed at my body, essentially telling myself to suck it up!

This sentiment is echoed in Inna Segal's new version of The Secret Language of your Body (which has also made me laugh with how spot on the mental descriptions of my current ailments are!)

"Your body is a feedback system...You need to look at the problem your body is experiencing as a metaphorical representation of the challenges you are dealing with in your life."

Right you are Inna.

Because apparently ignoring it and hoping it will go away doesn't actually work....ahhh that old chestnut.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before - I actually love the discovering of what's the cause...so why do I resist doing that?!

I think I need to stick this up in my house somewhere...it doesn’t go away if I ignore it! And I love getting to the cause! 

Because in fact, as my body is now, once it’s risen to the surface and is at a conscious level…as in one where I can notice it…it’s not going away until I fix the cause.

It's quite patient you know. Happy to hang out until I finally get around to dealing with it.

Like I had to do with the chest infection that month or so ago, I now can't ignore the skin conditions any longer. I'm sure this is going to be a doozie too, and be about much more than I'm currently thinking...

So let's dance sensitive new age girl!

The plot thickens...

Wow...what a day...what a weekend...what a fortnight!! 

The lessons and kerplunk moments are coming thick and fast for me at the moment (you know the ones when the penny doesn't just drop, they hit the ground with a thud!).

I started writing this last week, but didn't get the chance to actually hit post...could've partially been me wanting my ducks in a row before I posted it, ie wanting to be 'cured' of my chest infection entirely.

But as it turns out this lovely chesty business had a bit more to teach me than I'd first thought!

I got to a point last week when I thought - wow would you just go away.

But as I'm learning more and more, my body is a sensitive apparatus nowadays.

When I'm out of balance, be it mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually - it quickly shows itself...and doesn't go away until the imbalance is fixed, consciously or subconsciously.

Not that I jump right to it and fix things at the slightest inkling, but in cases such as this, I didn't really have the choice. It was a little too obvious for me to ignore and hoping it'd just go away wasn't working!

So finally last week I went 'right body, clearly I still haven't learnt the lesson, otherwise you would be feeling better by now - so let's have it!'

Without further ado, here's some of the things I've learn this last few weeks...I say some, because this is really only a snippet!

Despite having a lot of colour in my life...I can be a bit black and white

Which is kind of funny seeing as I'm a Collingwood supporter!

I can be very logical, cause and effect - which serves me well in a lot of instances.

But where it doesn't serve me is when I get into judgment mode - making something right or wrong and  only looking at the surface to make a fairly snap judgment rather than looking deeper, or taking a step back to see the trees and the forest.

Kind of funny seeing as I'm all about getting to the cause of things, not just treating the symptom!

Take this illness for instance...I instantly jumped to the conclusion that I'd been thinking the 'wrong' thoughts that I just need to fix and then voila, it'd be all good (a habit I'd been running with for a while, I think it's perfectionism in disguise!).

So off I went to my Mind-Body bibles - aka Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, and Inna Segal's The Secret Language of Your Body.

I read the symptoms, went yep - I tick all those boxes (not for the first time I might add, I've had chesty goodness before!). So now I'll stick my affirmations up, fix my thoughts and it'll all be ok.

What I've only just realised though that I forgot the crucial element - affirmations don't make things happen, they make things welcome. 

So me saying the 'right' words alone wasn't going to fix it - but it did bring about the elements I needed to look at. And in turn the healing.

Oh - KERPLUNK!!!!

That's freakin' hilarious - I literally only just realised that! Ha - I almost know Louise's book back the front and I am a massive mind-body head...but I'd forgotten that key element!!!!

Affirmations and thoughts in general are the beginning - not the be all and end all!

Aaah - this is what I love about life - the unfurling and discovering new gems!

Wow. Anyway, here's a few things that have contributed to me breathing clearer and having a much lighter chest...

1. I need to rest - and that's ok! 
• Nathan had said to me a week or so prior to me getting sick that I need to just take a week off for myself, but I said I couldn't. Well apparently I could when forced to!
• While I love to be on the go and doing things, it can be detrimental to my health when there's too much go and no stop.
2. Time to simplify my life. 
• Part of the mind-body symptom for an Upper Respiratory Cold is 'Too much going on at once' and boy have I had that in spades! An ongoing lesson for me is simplifying my life rather than attempting to do seventeen things at once, and not achieving any of them. 
• Essentially I need to give up the need to be superwoman - while I do look great in a cape, I'm not so down with the knickers over tights! 
3. I had too much Kapha going on...
• I'll explain this further this week when I finally do a blog on Ayurveda and it's amazing effect on my life! But essentially, I had been eating foods and doing things that caused a build up of Kapha in my body, aka mucus. Bleurgh.
4. I needed to get [more than] a few things off of my chest...
• Something that has happened progressively these last few weeks. Feeling better for it too!

And now for my personal favourite...

It's time to let my guard down.

I was lying in bed two Tuesdays ago after listening to week 1 of Dr Susan Bernstein's Reinvent your Role online course (all about getting more out of your work or figuring out where to next - highly recommend it!).

At any rate, as part of that session, she'd spoken about describing the Sensations in your body...then getting to the Emotion...then the Thought (or getting SET for short). 

As I mentioned before, I'd been going straight to the thought and then how I can fix it - ha! So anyway, I thought I'd give this a crack, because I had a very noticeable sensation to try it out on...

I felt like I had a brick on my chest so I thought ok, what does this actually feel like.

It's tight...restrictive...heavy. It's also feels like my heart's in a cage or armour or shell of some sort. Yeah that's it, a shell. But it's soft underneath.

And a second later I almost burst out laughing (but didn't because Nathan was sleeping!)...because I'm a Cancer...so yep it's time to shed my little crabby shell!

I'll split this particular topic into a few posts over the coming weeks - otherwise this is going to be a bit of an epic.

(Ha ha - I just walked out to the kitchen as this song lyric was played 'I've got nothing to hide'! True that!)

So to finish up - here's my favourite quote I've heard of late that I think sums up this post and my last few weeks perfectly...

"Your body never lies, but your mind seldom tells the truth."

And I'd add - don't try and tell your body that it's wrong, it's just a waste of time!