What are your big rocks?

Have you heard the story about how to fit the big rocks & small rocks into a jar?

Essentially where unless you put the big rocks in first they won't fit?

Of late I've done a bit of thinking about what my big rocks are, and whether or not they're getting a look in.

And I've established that I'm letting a lot of the small rocks and sand take up my time (aka fill up my jar), so the big rocks are sitting on the side just waiting patiently.

I've gotten soooooo much better with this at work, where I plan my whole week out so I make sure I keep moving with tasks big and small.

Which means the big rocks aren't mounting up in the corner threatening to cause an avalanche!

But I haven't yet seemed to have mastered doing this in my life.

I'm not sure why really.

As I know I've blogged about before, I love being organised. I love having things to plan for and look forward to. I love having a list and ticking things off my list. I love having a variety of activities in my week. I love writing. I love studying. I love creating. And in general all work and no play makes Jess a dull girl!

But the more I think about it, in the past 6 months or so, I've become really reactive to life rather than creating it.

Which brings me back to the point of this story - figuring out what are my big rocks and whether they're in or out currently.

What I've realised is that work has become somewhat of a boulder...or maybe a slab of concrete!

I've allowed it to dominate my time and brain space, and so my study has gone on the back burner for a while...as in my course, my own soul-searching and reading in general.

So have all creative endeavours and hobbies in general. Not to mention writing my beloved blogs!

This is in keeping with what I was writing about above where if I don't plan my week in my life outside work, my big rocks just sit there with no movement.

As I'm sitting here typing this I feel a bit disappointed in myself...like I've wasted time.

But I guess there's no point on dwelling on what's happened this year. I've certainly learnt a lot from it and the whole way along I was doing the best I could with the knowledge & experience I had.

And it's not like I've been sitting idly twiddling my thumbs!

That in itself has been one of the reasons that I haven't progressed with study or had a variety of activities in my week...a big lack of thumb twiddling or down time in general.

It's been a full on year this year, and it's only recently that I sat back to say wow, I've had a lot on this year! (And a lot to be grateful for!)

Anyway as Louise Hay's thought for November 4th said:

All obstacles are stepping stones.

And ain't that the truth.

The realisation about work being an obstacle forced me to reassess my life and say what is it that I actually want? What are my big rocks that are sitting outside of my jar?

And it didn't take me long to work out.

I miss the world of holistic health. It's my passion. It forms a big part of my life purpose.

And I want to immerse myself in it. I want to live it. I want to study and learn more and get excited about it all.

I want to have conversations with others who are just as passionate about it. I want to meet teachers who can impart their own experience and wisdom onto me.

And did I mention that I want to learn more?!

I want to move towards my dreams of helping people heal and live happier lives...through writing books and blogs, holding seminars and workshops, collaborating with them on how to improve their own health and wellbeing, interviewing others about their ideas...and oh the list goes on.

The moment I think about all of this, I feel lighter and a smile starts to form - hence why I know it's the right step.

Of course, along with this kerplunk moment came the stark realisation that it means wholesale change.

But I had to do it.

So a couple of weeks ago I handed in my resignation, saying that I'm going back to study next year.

Was that scary? Yep and it still is!

Tonight I've been wrestling with a weight in my chest and a bunch of eeekkk...will this all work out? Where will I end up?

I think because people have been asking me what I'm doing and where it will take me and I tend to feel like I give a bit of an inadequate explanation of it all.

But then if I take a breath and stop trying to justify it, I feel completely calm and just know that despite not entirely knowing what all the steps are, it's all going to work out just fine.

So I think I'll focus more on that part, and less on the worry part!

Because just like I wrote in one of my last blogs, it's just a signal that I'm busting through my comfort zone, so that's a good thing!

I'm also super fortunate to be surrounded by such a huge amount of love and support, as well as people who will challenge me if I look like I'll attempt to slip back onto easy street...ie not change!

All in all I'm really looking forward to being a student next year and working part-time.

Which by the way is one of the unknowns...I've handed in notice to my current job on a leap of faith that the perfect job will present itself at the right time.

Looking back, I've always found it easy to get work and I don't expect it to be any different this time around.

And who knows what other doors will open once I've got the space in my life for them to do so!

Of course, if you've got any suggestions or contacts for part-time jobs in the Gawler area or what I can do from home from February onwards - let me know!

Anyway, back to the point of this...

What are your big rocks?


Are they in your jar or on the outer?


Are there any changes you want to make so that they can fit in?


There's no right or wrong answer to this, but it might be interesting for you to ponder...and you might be surprised by what comes out.

I was going to put a picture of a jar of rocks, but then I thought I'd use a photo of a South Australian big rock...aka one of the ones at Remarkable Rocks on Kangaroo Island that Nathan and I visited in July 09.


Which I've realised is fairly poignant, because another big rock I want to make sure I slot in is travel!


But that's another story!

I'm back baby...bigger and better than ever!

I hadn't realised it had been so long since I posted my last blog, but it's nice to be tapping away at the keyboard again...and you'll definitely be hearing from me more often.


Boy have I had some great kerplunk moments these last couple of months.


There's been plenty of great lessons, plenty of unravelling and 'oooohhhh that makes so much sense now'!!! 


I've also had so much to smile about!


In general I feel like I'm at a much more contented place which is nice. 


It was funny because I hadn't realised quite how much had been simmering away under the surface until it all came spilling out in a few conversations.


Anyway, I'll stop speaking in riddles and get onto one of my kerplunks.


Lesson # 364 - Just because I have the time doesn't mean I have to fill it up!


In my last blog, I said about how I was going to work on identifying where I was overcommitting....say it out loud...and make a change.


And I'm proud to say I've achieved all of that. Not to say I'm perfect now, but my life is a lot different to the couple of months ago!


Anyway, getting back to lesson #364 and something I noticed fairly early in the unravelling...


Just when I started to create a bit of space for myself I seem to fill it back up again, and not with something for me.  


So why did I need to do this? Well I came up with a few ideas... 

• Because I can 
• I've got the time, so why not help someone else 
• So others don't think I'm lazy! 
• I enjoy helping 

All of which are quite valid reasons, but this knee-jerk reaction to fill up my time for someone else's benefit was keeping me away from doing things that I wanted to do for myself, or as Sonia Choquette puts it - doing what feeds my soul.


It was only a week or so before my last blog that I heard the Dalai Lama say...you need to look after yourself first. 

And that he makes sure he takes care of himself first so that he has the energy to help others. 

So if it's good enough for the Lama - it's good enough for me!! 

Another part of lesson #364 has been learning when to say 'I'd love to, but maybe later'.


This was given a huge helping hand when my fabulous soul sister Kylie set me a challenge:


To not take on any more new things this year.


Sounds simple doesn't it. And as soon as she said it I said 'you're on'!! 


I love it - it makes so much sense, yet it took Kylie saying it to realise that it's exactly what I needed.


The best part is - I've stuck by it.


What I've set about doing these past couple of months is just ticking off what's already on my plate rather than adding more.


It's all about clearing the decks!


And so far it's been working a treat - exhibit a) having time to sit down again to write my blog.

Another huge shift in my life has been changing my expectations.

What I realised was that I'd been putting sooooo much pressure on myself and spinning myself into a frenzy...an internal one of course! 

I'm a bit clever really because I hadn't even noticed myself, then it all came tumbling out at a great rate of knots! 

In my mind, everything had to be done now.

And of course, good luck with that! 

What it turned into was having a huge to do list every single day...not knowing what to start next...or just beating myself up for having not done things I said I would.

Bleurgh! 

Now I'm making it my mission to be realistic about the time it takes for me to do things...and more importantly being open about that and telling the people involved. 

Because for a long time it's been the source of stress and why I end up overcommitting and underdelivering. 

What I figured out was that it's a bit hard to know what I can do in a day/week/month/year if I don't know how long it all takes me.

Oooohhhh - why didn't I think of that before!

This little insight has literally revolutionised my whole working life and home life!! 

The final thing I've cottoned on to of late - I only need to take the next step.

Not the next 7, just the next 1. 

It was another thing I hadn't realised I was doing, but when I took a step back I could see why I was getting a bit frazzled over things - I wasn't breaking it down enough and was trying to do it all at once.

Aren't I a good little Gen Y - I want it and I want it now!!

Anyway, the good thing is, I've worked out how it feels when I'm jumping ahead to the next step...or 50 in front! 

And the good news is I've been listening to those intuitive nudges and taking a deep breath!

Speaking of the next step - I've started running.

Yep me - a runner! 

I was asked if I wanted to do the City to Bay a couple of months ago and I said sure, why not! I've never ran in my life (darting about on a netball court doesn't count), so I wasn't really sure how I'd go.

But I've loved it!

In itself, it's a great lesson in just putting one foot in front of the other rather than thinking too far ahead.

And more importantly - that you never know what you can do until you try!

So I thought I'd leave you with the photo of me before my first run - which by the way was a whole 2km without stopping, look at me go!!

I have overcommit-itis!

Overcommit-itis is also known as overpromising and underdelivering...trying to be superwoman and not achieving it...doing things by halves...spreading myself too thin...

And unfortunately, I've realised that I've been doing this in every aspect of my life.

So how did I realise this?

Well funnily enough, it was while I was at my yoga class tonight that I suddenly came to me.

In actual fact, it was one of the biggest kerplunks I've had for a while!

I love that about yoga - for me it's a case of the stillness speaks. (Aka my mind stops, so there's room for answers and guidance to come in!!)

That and I'm becoming more attuned to my body, so when I have some sort of pain or tension, I tap into it and unravel the sensation, emotion and then thoughts (and thank you Dr Susan Bernstein for teaching me this great trick!)

But more on that later.

As I was saying - I realised that I do currently suffer from overcommitting, in every sense of the word.

In no particular order, I overcommit my:

• Time
• Resources
• Money
• Time
• Body
• Mind
• And did I mention time!

So how have I realised this?

Well in the last week and today in particular, I've had a few really healthy reality checks about how I am overcommitting.

• I've realised with a shock that my budget hasn't been complete or accurate enough to achieve everything we want to do - hello overcommitting and spreading ourselves too thin!
• I've realised that another symptom has been getting to work late...which has all stemmed from overcommitting my time in the morning to try and fit in yoga, making lunch, getting ready...and all when I'm struggling to get out of bed by 6.10 to leave at 7...yep, you do the maths!
• I've realised that at work I'm not setting realistic enough expectations for how much I can do in a day or week, so deadlines go by.
• I've realised that while my heart's in the right place, I've overcommitted the amount of time and resources I can allot to helping out in my community service roles.
• And you know what, I think more the I think about this, the more I'm going to go...oooohhh, there's another way I overcommit!

I don't do any of this with an intention to mislead, or with any kind of malice, in fact whenever I commit to something, I really think I can achieve it.

What I'm learning though is - I'm great at coming up with ideas, great at making plans (and making them look pretty!), but my problem is that in general I either don't make the deadlines realistic enough, or I just put too much on my plate at once because I...yep you guessed it, overestimate my abilities to achieve it all!

And while I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't do things by halves, I've been giving myself no other option than to do just that.

Perhaps it is just what I was writing the last blog about - needing to learn how to say no to things? 

Meanwhile, apologies if this sounds like cryptic, but it makes sense to me!

The best part of this realisation is how neatly it flows on from my last blog about releasing the need to be superwoman, because I think this kind of answers part of the how to do it.

So now what?

Well I think I'm going to spend the next week or so identifying everywhere that I am overcommitting, and putting my hand up to say 'sorry, I know I said I could do this, but it turns out I was wrong. I'll just need to change/stop...'

Because that's another symptom of my overcommit-itis, I tend to keep it all to myself until I have gotten very close to or over the deadline...and then say eek or try and be superwoman!

And you know what, I think people will be pretty receptive to this kind of honesty.

Then from there, I need to work out strategies on how I can change the way I approach my life.

But at least I've got the hardest bit done now - identifying what the problem is!

Phew - told you this was a big kerplunk!!!

PS I was going to make my own version the above image with it saying kerplunk...but realised this would be overcommitting my time tonight as it's after 10 and I need to go to bed so I can get up on time tomorrow morning...he he, look at me go!!!

The plot thickens...

Wow...what a day...what a weekend...what a fortnight!! 

The lessons and kerplunk moments are coming thick and fast for me at the moment (you know the ones when the penny doesn't just drop, they hit the ground with a thud!).

I started writing this last week, but didn't get the chance to actually hit post...could've partially been me wanting my ducks in a row before I posted it, ie wanting to be 'cured' of my chest infection entirely.

But as it turns out this lovely chesty business had a bit more to teach me than I'd first thought!

I got to a point last week when I thought - wow would you just go away.

But as I'm learning more and more, my body is a sensitive apparatus nowadays.

When I'm out of balance, be it mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually - it quickly shows itself...and doesn't go away until the imbalance is fixed, consciously or subconsciously.

Not that I jump right to it and fix things at the slightest inkling, but in cases such as this, I didn't really have the choice. It was a little too obvious for me to ignore and hoping it'd just go away wasn't working!

So finally last week I went 'right body, clearly I still haven't learnt the lesson, otherwise you would be feeling better by now - so let's have it!'

Without further ado, here's some of the things I've learn this last few weeks...I say some, because this is really only a snippet!

Despite having a lot of colour in my life...I can be a bit black and white

Which is kind of funny seeing as I'm a Collingwood supporter!

I can be very logical, cause and effect - which serves me well in a lot of instances.

But where it doesn't serve me is when I get into judgment mode - making something right or wrong and  only looking at the surface to make a fairly snap judgment rather than looking deeper, or taking a step back to see the trees and the forest.

Kind of funny seeing as I'm all about getting to the cause of things, not just treating the symptom!

Take this illness for instance...I instantly jumped to the conclusion that I'd been thinking the 'wrong' thoughts that I just need to fix and then voila, it'd be all good (a habit I'd been running with for a while, I think it's perfectionism in disguise!).

So off I went to my Mind-Body bibles - aka Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life, and Inna Segal's The Secret Language of Your Body.

I read the symptoms, went yep - I tick all those boxes (not for the first time I might add, I've had chesty goodness before!). So now I'll stick my affirmations up, fix my thoughts and it'll all be ok.

What I've only just realised though that I forgot the crucial element - affirmations don't make things happen, they make things welcome. 

So me saying the 'right' words alone wasn't going to fix it - but it did bring about the elements I needed to look at. And in turn the healing.

Oh - KERPLUNK!!!!

That's freakin' hilarious - I literally only just realised that! Ha - I almost know Louise's book back the front and I am a massive mind-body head...but I'd forgotten that key element!!!!

Affirmations and thoughts in general are the beginning - not the be all and end all!

Aaah - this is what I love about life - the unfurling and discovering new gems!

Wow. Anyway, here's a few things that have contributed to me breathing clearer and having a much lighter chest...

1. I need to rest - and that's ok! 
• Nathan had said to me a week or so prior to me getting sick that I need to just take a week off for myself, but I said I couldn't. Well apparently I could when forced to!
• While I love to be on the go and doing things, it can be detrimental to my health when there's too much go and no stop.
2. Time to simplify my life. 
• Part of the mind-body symptom for an Upper Respiratory Cold is 'Too much going on at once' and boy have I had that in spades! An ongoing lesson for me is simplifying my life rather than attempting to do seventeen things at once, and not achieving any of them. 
• Essentially I need to give up the need to be superwoman - while I do look great in a cape, I'm not so down with the knickers over tights! 
3. I had too much Kapha going on...
• I'll explain this further this week when I finally do a blog on Ayurveda and it's amazing effect on my life! But essentially, I had been eating foods and doing things that caused a build up of Kapha in my body, aka mucus. Bleurgh.
4. I needed to get [more than] a few things off of my chest...
• Something that has happened progressively these last few weeks. Feeling better for it too!

And now for my personal favourite...

It's time to let my guard down.

I was lying in bed two Tuesdays ago after listening to week 1 of Dr Susan Bernstein's Reinvent your Role online course (all about getting more out of your work or figuring out where to next - highly recommend it!).

At any rate, as part of that session, she'd spoken about describing the Sensations in your body...then getting to the Emotion...then the Thought (or getting SET for short). 

As I mentioned before, I'd been going straight to the thought and then how I can fix it - ha! So anyway, I thought I'd give this a crack, because I had a very noticeable sensation to try it out on...

I felt like I had a brick on my chest so I thought ok, what does this actually feel like.

It's tight...restrictive...heavy. It's also feels like my heart's in a cage or armour or shell of some sort. Yeah that's it, a shell. But it's soft underneath.

And a second later I almost burst out laughing (but didn't because Nathan was sleeping!)...because I'm a Cancer...so yep it's time to shed my little crabby shell!

I'll split this particular topic into a few posts over the coming weeks - otherwise this is going to be a bit of an epic.

(Ha ha - I just walked out to the kitchen as this song lyric was played 'I've got nothing to hide'! True that!)

So to finish up - here's my favourite quote I've heard of late that I think sums up this post and my last few weeks perfectly...

"Your body never lies, but your mind seldom tells the truth."

And I'd add - don't try and tell your body that it's wrong, it's just a waste of time!