Saturday, April 16, 2011

I am sensitive...and that's ok.

As I was writing the last post about the power of the exhale, I had a bit of a kerplunk moment.

Perhaps my lack of honouring the exhale is a good way to describe what’s been showing up physically for me of late.

Backing up a step, I got hives last week for the first time...and then the second...and I've still got a few lurking. Big flat red blotchy things, on different areas of my stomach, back and now even arms and legs.

And seriously, how much do I want to be itchy of late!

When I got the first bout of hives, I wasn't sure what on earth they were! So off I went to the Doctor and she quickly diagnosed me. Phew, I don't have meningococcal!

Then when I went on to list off my other skin conditions...itchy scalp...yeast rash on my back...she said to me...wait for it...

I think you might just have sensitive skin.

Wow, why didn't I think of that!

I know that doesn't sound earth shattering, but I'd actually never considered that. Hadn't put all of it together I guess.

So how that ties back into the exhale post from yesterday....

Of late, I’ve been so caught up in what I don’t have or still need, how I’m not good enough, not doing enough, should be further along, bigger, better, different...I’ve been forgetting to honour my exhale.

As in what I’ve released, how far I’ve come – honouring and appreciating everything I have done. That who I am, right here, right now is perfect, and I'm exactly where I need to be.

In short, that’s lead to me being uncomfortable in my own skin.

And gratitude, what gratitude?! Yes I’ve been doing it in fits and starts, but it's usually based on something external to me, not about myself.
Kind of funny really – as I mentioned, one of my skin ailments that I’ve had for yonks is a yeast rash on my back. I can't see it, so I've kind of let it just stay there!

I look it up in Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life and it says:

Denying your own needs. Not supporting the self.

And when does this flare up? When I'm trying to do everything for everyone else, and putting myself last. I'm trying to run with the crowd and do what everyone else does, even if that doesn't work for me.

More to the point - why is it not going away? I’m persisting with not supporting myself!!

It gets funnier when I read about what shoulders and back mean...not to mention hives...but if I write all of that, this will turn into another epic post!
So now back to the sensitivity (they don’t call me the Queen of Tangents for nothing!)...

After the sensitive skin statement, I took a step back and went actually, I'm sensitive in general!

Now that I've removed so many physical and mental layers thanks to Ayurveda and releasing a whole bunch of other beliefs and habits, I really am quite sensitive.

My lungs definitely are - being around smokers is a no-go for me now, and any kind of chemical or cleaner quickly gets me rasping. As does dog and cat fur I've found - dogs are what kicked off the hives!

I remember a homeopath saying that your lungs and skin conditions are often linked - as in that's the external way it shows. And in saying that to my fabulous friend Kylie, she also informed me that apparently liver and skin can be linked too...makes sense, seeing as liver is the seat of emotion, and quite often has anger issues linked to it too! In this case...angry inside...angry outside...tada!

My digestive system is a lot more sensitive now...or it could be that I just pay more attention to it. But at any rate, if I eat something that's not best for my body, I know about it quickly!

And I'm sensitive emotionally. I find more and more now that I can pick up on other people's vibes, and if I'm not careful, I take them on as my own! And you know what, I don't like watching icky things on TV, in fact I avoid it like the plague.

I'm also sensitive to stress (yes I can tend to create it for myself!). But I find now, that I can reach overload quicker if I don't get enough sleep, put myself under pressure at work, don't exercise at all etc etc. 

Doesn't mean I still don't give it a go, just to keep up with everyone else. But gone are the days of burning the candle at both ends without repercussions!!

Actually speaking of which - the Doctor said to me, it sounds like you just need to be somewhere you can do yoga each day and have no stress.

Ha! I laughed and said 'well I do practice yoga each day and it is one of my dreams to have my own yoga and wellbeing centre where I can relax and be stress free every day'!!!!!!!

Back to the sensitivity again, there's no doubt that my body is sensitive to my thoughts. I'm a huge believer in the mind-body connection, and I'm getting more and more great examples of it in my life where I can practice and learn...great case studies I guess!

Bottom line - I think I really need to work at appreciating how sensitive I am.

After all – how good is it that my body reacts to crap quickly and tells me it's out of kilter…be it what I’m eating, thinking, wearing, breathing in…not having a high tolerance for what can pollute my body is actually a good thing!

Or better yet, not having layers on layers on layers that hide how sensitive my body actually is, is a really good thing.

So instead of going ‘Good lord, what now? What am I doing/thinking wrong now?’, I’m going to remind myself to think ‘thanks body, you’re out of balance for a reason, and I’m going to try and remove that factor from my life’.

That feels better than the criticising and getting annoyed at my body, essentially telling myself to suck it up!

This sentiment is echoed in Inna Segal's new version of The Secret Language of your Body (which has also made me laugh with how spot on the mental descriptions of my current ailments are!)

"Your body is a feedback system...You need to look at the problem your body is experiencing as a metaphorical representation of the challenges you are dealing with in your life."

Right you are Inna.

Because apparently ignoring it and hoping it will go away doesn't actually work....ahhh that old chestnut.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before - I actually love the discovering of what's the why do I resist doing that?!

I think I need to stick this up in my house doesn’t go away if I ignore it! And I love getting to the cause! 

Because in fact, as my body is now, once it’s risen to the surface and is at a conscious level…as in one where I can notice it…it’s not going away until I fix the cause.

It's quite patient you know. Happy to hang out until I finally get around to dealing with it.

Like I had to do with the chest infection that month or so ago, I now can't ignore the skin conditions any longer. I'm sure this is going to be a doozie too, and be about much more than I'm currently thinking...

So let's dance sensitive new age girl!

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