Years ago, this usually came as part of a sobfest on Nathan's chest, after a day/week/month of struggle against anxiety and inner turmoil.
But it seems to still be around as I only said it a week or so ago...I had an issue that had bubbled to the surface that I just wanted to go away, rather than work through it and release it which in turn would make me feel better!
And you know, clearly I'm the only one who has to deal with mental, physical and emotional issues (stemming from the past and present)...because EVERYONE else is 'normal' after all!!!
So what is my obsession with normal?
I think for me, when it comes out in the way I've described above...it means problem-free! But then, where's the fun in that!!!
Or it can be not wanting to be weird/different to others...not wanting to have things going on that someone could look down on me for (I like how my ego conjures up that last part...because clearly I have such unsupportive family and friends - ha!!)
And I should add that on the flipside of me wanting to be 'normal' is my other obsession with having things that are 'just a little bit different'...a bit of a McEachen family hobby I think!
So just what is this ever-elusive normal? Why do I/we even use the word?
Is it an obsession with comparing ourselves to others...always with the end result that we're not normal and someone else is. Is it just the good old 'I'm not good enough...'??
Because you can guarantee that in comparison to someone else, you're always lower, higher, taller, shorter, thinner, fatter, over, under...etc etc
Since I started writing the draft of this blog over a week ago, I've had plenty of additional information that is helping me release my need for normality.
For instance, as a friend mentioned to me last week, what is normal for me isn't normal for someone else. So then - who's the true normal?!
By Googling it, you get a bunch of different definitions.
One of them contains the word average...which leads to yet another discussion, because who is average?
An average can only ever be 1 number...so then what happens to the other zillion people who fit on either side of that 1 particular number?
Funnily enough, I was onto something with normal meaning problem-free, as there's a biological definition that says 'Free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation...'
But then, show me someone who doesn't have any issues or problems, and I think you'll be looking at someone who's dead!
Because as I hear time and time again...
It's not about being 100% disease-free for your entire life. It's not about being 'perfect'. Life is all about living, growing, learning and expanding.
And at the end of the day - I actually love the things that at times I've thought made me 'abnormal'! I love all of the so-called 'problems' I've had to deal with.
Particularly in the last 4 or 5 years where I've made it somewhat of a sport to continually dig deeper...or peel back the layers of the onion as I call it. Yes there's been some decent challenges, but I've found some absolute gems along the way.
I've learnt so much and I really am looking forward to having many more 'aha' moments.
Or that feeling or relief / pride when I've worked something out...be it the inner cause of an outer problem, or that I'd been holding on to a particular old memory without realising.
So the moral of this story - I've now decided that everyone is normal (myself included), just in their own particular way.
And instead of wanting to be anyone else, I'll now continue working on loving me for who I am - a unique individual with my own set of variables!