Monday, February 28, 2011

Oops I did it again...

Ha ha if you now have Britney Spears in your head, but it seemed the most appropriate title!

So what have I done again? I've manifested the symptoms of a chest infection and sore throat.

And how did I manage that?

Because I've had 'too much to do and not enough time to do it'...I haven't had any time to rest...I've got so much to do and I don't know what to do next...I just want to get this done and it's taking forever, so I can't start something to-do list has been weighing heavily on me...

Recognise some of these?

I'm a big believer in the mind-body fact it's the integral part of my life's work to be a healer.

At any rate, the crux of it what the mind-body connection means to me - my words and thoughts create my world.

And I've got a cracking example of that from this week!

I started feeling a bit chesty and throaty last week, to which I thought and said 'oh here we go, this always happens when I've got too much going on in my world and I get a bit overwhelmed by it'. 

I really wanted to have the day off on Friday, but didn't! 

So on Saturday, I thought nope, had enough of this and started turning my thoughts around. And instantly felt better!

But here I am on Monday, still with the symptoms...I think partly because I really wanted to have a day off! Instead of marching on with me affirmations and releasing this...I think I kept it going so I wouldn't have to go to work today!!!

Or because part of me wanted justification...'see I have had a lot going on - I'm sick because of it'

No I'm not - I'm sick because of the thoughts I've chosen to think about my last week or so! 

There's often plenty of different things going on in my life, but I'm not a walking chest infection. Hence why this is such a classic version of Dr Mona Lisa's saying 'you don't need to remove anything from your life, just your interpretation.'

I've got the bin out ready!!!

The first thing to remove is my self-fulfilling prophecies - 'I always get this when I'm tired and have too much on.' That and 'Don't worry, I'm not contagious, this is my own special brand.'

Then there's the standards I create for myself...
  • I have to use all of my time "well"
  • I have to get it all done
  • I have to do it all now
  • This is taking too long
  • I should have had this done before now
Then there's the sayings...
  • I'm so busy (this is a post in itself that I'll get to another day!)
  • I've got too much to do, and not enough time
  • There's not enough hours in the day
  • I just don't feel like I'm getting anywhere
Urrrggghhh - I feel worse just reading back over all of this! 

Turning it all around now into affirmations that help to keep me healthy...
  • I am happy and healthy.
  • I allow my body to return to it's natural state of great health.
  • I always have more than enough time to do everything I need to do.
  • I'm surrounded by help and support.
  • Everything happens in the perfect Divine order.
  • I'm always in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing.
  • I allow my mind to relax and be at peace.
  • I live in the now and take life one step at a time.
  • I am safe. All is well in my world.
Ahhh, that's feeling better!

I'll get on to affirmations more another day, but essentially they're based on thinking thoughts that make you feel good

Some people scoff at affirmations or ask why would you bother? 

I defy anyone to say that their main motivator isn't to be happy. So when I've got a choice to purposely think a thought that makes me feel good/happy, I choose that every day of the week! 

I forget sometimes that I do have that choice, but as soon as I remember, I'm on the bandwagon well and truly.

Ok, well back to rest and recovery...or should I say removal and replacement. Out with the old negative thoughts, in with the new, happy and healthy ones!

Happy Monday!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Quack, quack, quack...

Another old habit of mine that's been coming to the surface of late is what I like to call my 'ducks in a row' syndrome.

I have a tendency to want all of my ducks standing to attetnion nicely before I start something new...part a) of which is I want to know where I'll end up before kicking off!

To all of you 'fly by the seat of your panters', you'll be thinking where's the fun in that!

And I agree - often it can shut me down and make me take longer to get started on something, because I can't see what all the steps will be, or if I'll end up where I want to.

I guess it's a bit of a fear thing...of failure or success I'm not really sure.

The funny thing is, I'm actually quite good at living in the moment and just taking life as it comes.

Take last weekend for example. I spent the best part of 3 days with Ben traipsing around Sydney. And not once did I really know where I was, or what was happening next.

And I loved it!

I'm so used to being the navigator or the organiser (which is part is probably because I like being in control!), so the best thing was not having the foggiest where I was.

The other way my line of quackers manifests...needing to have enough time to finish something in full before I start it. Rather than chip away at it.

It's an interesting thing really and I'm not really sure why I do it. It causes me to put some things off for agres and in general get behind.

Again, I'm sure it's got something to do with the fear of failure/success. Oh and how could I forget perfectionism. Me and the big P - we go way back!

But again, the antidote is planning.

I'm great at keeping multiple things rolling along when I've got a plan written down. And when I've broken a big task into smaller ones.

Try and keep it all in my head and I come unglued.

I think I attempt to do it all in my head because it works for other people and therefore I 'should' be able to do that to. (Did I mention the word perfectionism, and therefore having unreachable standards for myself at times!)

And there inlies the problem. I'm not everyone else, and as Mum would rightly point out to me many times as a kid or teenager 'if your friends were going to jump off a bridge, would you?'

No. So then why do I persist in using a method that works for others and not me?!

I like planning. I like being organised. I like knowing where I'm headed. In fact I love it.

I'm the geek at work who loves the project plans complete with a gannt chart because I respond so well to anything that's visual.

And I work best when I use my magical project plans.

So the lesson for me?

Well I think there's 2 good ones here.

First is a new favourite quote from Denise Linn - it doesn't have to be done perfectly, it just has to be done. And be willing to do it badly.

And 2 - do what works best for this little black duck.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Time to get back on the horse!

I was thinking this as I was walking up my driveway just now, that I really need to write a blog post tonight and get back on the horse because it's been too long.

Then literally, just as I finished thinking it - in the distance a horse neighed!!!

So really, how could I say nay to that kind of encouragement!! Ha!

The last week or so has been an interesting one - I've been following an old pattern of trying desperately to finish off things and start new ones at the same time...without much success in either arena.

Well that's bollocks really - I'm definitely getting somewhere with cleaning and organising our house...I've gotten rid of a whole bunch of stuff (anyone who's come to our house hasn't walked out empty handed!!)...and am pretty close to having everything sorted.

And I suppose from a mental perspective I've done a fair bit of housecleaning too - noticing some old patterns that I need to chuck out and replace, or just give a good polish to. Not to mention that I've had a stack of kerplunk know the ones when the ball suddenly drops!

I guess the part that's irritating me because it's all taking longer than I expected and I just want to be done!

I'm itching to get to the new stuff!!

When I've got certain things I feel I need to finish before I start anything new...all the new ideas start to build up, and I feel a little bit overwhelmed and like I don't know what to do next, and I've got all this stuff to do and not enough time to do it, and if only the world would just stop for a moment and let me catch up...!!!

Hence why I'm getting a build up on my chest at the moment - because I've been feeling like it's all piling up on top of me.

The antidote? Get organised! 

The only surefire way I've found to counteract this is to write it all down and get a bit of a plan happening...once it's on paper in front of me, I quickly realise that I don't actually have that much to do, and I've got plenty of time to do it.

That and I need to remind myself that it's ok if not everything gets done right this minute. It'll all happen just as it's supposed to.

But then what am I missing out on if I stop to plan?! 

Welcome to the tennis game I've got going on...often unbeknownst to me unless I stop to pay attention to what I'm really thinking. Or my body lets me know...exhibit a, the heavy chest.

Here's a photo of our spare room floor at the looks like a big fat mess, but I've already put a bunch of stuff away so I know I'm getting somewhere and it won't be long until it's all clear.

And I think that's a pretty good analogy for my life right now.

There's a lot on the sorting pile at the moment - and it's all becoming clearer by the moment.

I just need to focus on it being clear, not the state it's in right now!

Just another great example of needing to focus on what you want...not what you have, or don't have as the case may be!

Ahhhhh, feels good to be back.....

Friday, February 11, 2011

Hold on, let me explain!

In response to Grace’s great comment about my last blog, I thought I’d take this opportunity to clarify – because I’ve clearly been misunderstood!
I wasn’t trying to say that the past is over and done so therefore it should have no impact, or that we should all be starting afresh each and every second of the day.
Or that you’re an idiot if any part of your past affects you. (Ha! I'm a walking example of how it does!)
And I definitely wasn’t saying ‘it’s the past, so get over it’. (More like - it's the past, you can choose how it affects you.)
Nor was I trying to encourage anyone to sweep anything under the carpet! That’s the worst thing you can do because then it either builds up and up and up, or sits under the surface festering and both can have all sorts of repercussions.
And I also wasn’t meaning that everything will magically disappear of its own accord without you needing to think about it, or delve into it to let it go.
As Grace rightly said – once you notice you’ve got a ‘break’, it’s then you can choose to fix it or continue to limp...that's the power you have in the now.
And each person is different in how they do that, I definitely agree with that.
For me, I need to write about it to try and figure out why I’m holding on to it and get to the core of the issue. That and talk about it with others, but most of my aha moments come out of writing.
Often it can take me some time (and repeating the same lesson!) until I can ‘fix the break’ and let it go. (A whole bunch of time with some things!!)
More to the point – it can often take me some time to work out that I am actually limping!
Case in point was the most recent parts of the past. They'd been there for some time and I did try to limp on for a while.
Then I realised I couldn't just keep ignoring it and hope it'd go away, so I made the choice to look at it (or intervene as Grace put it) and had to do a whole bunch of work on to let go. The funny thing was, what I thought was the core issue turned out to only be a layer and there was plenty more underneath!
Anyway, the point I was trying to make with my last blog was that you can’t change the actual experience you had and you can’t erase it (particularly if it was something you didn’t like!).
But you can change the way you look at it and how that part of your past affects your present and future. And that it can be a lot healthier to release any icky emotion you have about your past. 
And essentially as I see it, that is what life is all about! It’s about learning and growing from the different moments of your life.
I’ve realised that my bookshelf analogy probably sounded like I was trying to shut my past away in a vault or that it's separate to me now. Not at all. Each part of my past has brought me to the place where I am now, and I love that (despite sometimes wanting to erase things I've done!).
Each time I learn something new or have a breakthrouh, I don't see it as me becoming a new me - just a new and improved version. I think I'm probably up to Jess v28.11 at the moment!
As Grace put it – as soon as you become aware of something that’s holding you back, it’s then that you have a choice, then that you have power.
And that’s what I was trying to say. Now is when you have power – you can shape your future (and how your past affects you) by what you do right now.
I was wondering whether I need to apologise but I think it’s more a case of us both saying the same thing – we’re just walking on parallel roads!
Thank you Grace for your comment and giving me the chance to explain further! And for writing what I was trying to get at in such succinct terms.
I love the limp analogy – that’s perfect!
And it brings up another great point – if anyone agrees or disagrees with what I say, you’re more than welcome to leave a comment or send me an email!
Happy Friday everyone - hope it's a good one!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Now is the only moment you'll ever have...

This single sentence stopped me in my tracks a while back while I was listening to Wayne Dyer.

Just think about it for a is the only moment you'll ever have.

Everything you've ever done happened in the present moment, and everything in your future will also happen in the present moment.

A sentiment I've heard echoed by Louise Hay  - adding that now is the only moment you have any power over.

And it's so true - you can't live in the past or present, you can only live right here, right now. (Make that it is funny, but I'll stop!)

It's the only moment you have any power or control over, the only moment you can do something with.

So the big question is - why do we do use up our precious now living in the past, worrying about what we should have done or dwelling on the person who did wrong by us??

Particularly when we can't change it!

Not to mention worrying about what's going to happen in the future, when we can only live that out once it happens! 

And invariably it's different to what we imagine! I love the quote attributed to Artie Pine by Wayne Dyer...

"A lot of awful things have happened to me in my life, some of which have actually occurred".

In terms of living in the past, it's definitely been a great lesson for me of late because I've had a couple of old memories come to the surface that still had quite a bit of emotion tied to them unbeknownst to me!

I was thinking about writing what the memories are, but then I realised that'd just add fuel to the fire and keep them living.

As my wonderful friend and soul sister Kylie said to me pointblank...

The past is over and done. 

I can celebrate it for what it's taught me. I can learn from my mistakes and use the knowledge I've gained to shape my future.

But until someone invents time travel, I can't change it or erase it.

To add to that, Dr Mona Lisa Schulz puts it very succinctly when she says...

You don't need to remove anything from your life, you just need to remove your interpretation of it.

The image I often get when I'm letting go of an old memory is a bookshelf behind me...not too dissimilar to the background on my blog page I've just realised!

And each moment of the past is written down in different volumes, some bigger than others.

I don't need to remain connected to any of the pages in order for the books to exist. I can shut the books and leave them there on the shelf, ready to be picked up and flicked through if need be.

As Louise Hay mentions in You Can Heal Your Life, you can release any emotional attachment you have to the past and allow memories to just be memories.

Remembering that you wore a blue dress in year 3 can doesn't usually conjure up a strong emotion, and it can be like that for all past events.

And it is possible for you to change your interpretation, you just have to take the time to change your thoughts about it. (And have patience, because sometimes it takes a while to overwrite the old pattern or actually drill down to what is actually bothering you about it!)

I can vouch for that well and truly because it's exactly where I am now. I know I've released these issues and changed the way I interpret them because there's no emotion attached. I just feel lovely and light!

I've been hearing more and more lately that it's not the experience itself, but the meaning we attach to experiences or events that governs the impact they have on their lives. Two people can experience the exact same thing, yet take it in 2 very different directions.

I'll get back to not living in the future another day, but for now remember...

The point of power is always in the present moment - the only moment you ever have. 

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I have a confession to make...

I've been breaking the rules!

And the silly thing is - I'm not really sure why because I really don't like to do that!!

I'm an honest person, I don't like to tell fibs let alone lie or make up fake excuses...and I really don't like breaking the rules!

Today was a classic at work - I essentially got a pre-warning warning. What on earth...I hear you ask?!

Well - for some reason I decided not to play by our compliance rules (despite being our department's most experienced compliance guru/nazi).

Essentially we have to get signoff before we print anything, or publish it on the website (surely you've seen the disclaimers at the end of bank/credit union ads?!). And for some reason - my brain decided to forget/ignore that and I just went about my job publishing a few things without the essential sign-off.

When I realised what I was doing today - of course I dobbed myself in. And I felt really awful about the whole thing - I haven't felt that guilty in ages! 

Particularly because my boss copped it a bit from another Exec. But I didn't get told off by my boss, because I did the telling off for him!

The best excuse I could come up with was having a brain fade...but then I wondered whether part of me did know what I was doing and just figured I could get away with it.

Me - get away with it, ha!

As Mum & Dad (and Nathan, and pretty much all other friends) will vouch - I'm an awful liar. 

If I get asked a direct question, I'm useless at telling a fib to cover it, I tend to just tell the truth or kind of go 'aaahhhh, well...' and hope the subject evaporates or gets changed!

And I'm not one of those kids who ever 'got away with it' because I'd usually feel guilty and dob myself in!

So anyway, why am I doing this and what's the lesson to learn?

Well after feeling guilty and beating myself up about it for an hour or so, I couldn't help but giggle. The whole thing is so silly to do something wrong effectively on purpose!

It dawned on me that this is a great example of self-sabotage, which appears to be showing up in a few ways of late.

Whether it's eating things I know my body doesn't like and figuring oh I'll be ok, despite knowing I'll feel ick after.

To not wearing the right attire to work (as in a bit more casual then I should be) - again I figured I could probably get away with it...because I work in marketing! Apparently not, because our HR manager had a whisper to our boss (about our whole department, not just me!)

And then little silly things like not sending in a form on time...staying over the time limit in a parking spot...not getting to work on time...beating myself up over things that have happened in the past...procrastinating...ignoring updating our budget...not making the time to study even though I love it...

It's like I'm angling for punishment!

Anyway, I'm going to put it out there that 'I release the need to self-sabotage' and see what else comes up as I go about ditching this old pattern that definitely no longer serves me.

And speaking of exciting news - I got into Half Lotus in yoga yesterday for the first time, yippee! Here's picture evidence...

Look at me go!

It was a great surprise last night and confirms that I have let go of tension and blocks from my hips, which in mind-body terms means more balance in my life and I'm moving forward with ease.

And ain't that the truth!

So anyway, with the self-sabotage, rather than see this as a set-back or something I'm doing 'wrong'...I'm going to see it just as something else to let go of because I don't need it anymore.

And I'm looking forward to seeing what takes it's place!