Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What are your big rocks?

Have you heard the story about how to fit the big rocks & small rocks into a jar?

Essentially where unless you put the big rocks in first they won't fit?

Of late I've done a bit of thinking about what my big rocks are, and whether or not they're getting a look in.

And I've established that I'm letting a lot of the small rocks and sand take up my time (aka fill up my jar), so the big rocks are sitting on the side just waiting patiently.

I've gotten soooooo much better with this at work, where I plan my whole week out so I make sure I keep moving with tasks big and small.

Which means the big rocks aren't mounting up in the corner threatening to cause an avalanche!

But I haven't yet seemed to have mastered doing this in my life.

I'm not sure why really.

As I know I've blogged about before, I love being organised. I love having things to plan for and look forward to. I love having a list and ticking things off my list. I love having a variety of activities in my week. I love writing. I love studying. I love creating. And in general all work and no play makes Jess a dull girl!

But the more I think about it, in the past 6 months or so, I've become really reactive to life rather than creating it.

Which brings me back to the point of this story - figuring out what are my big rocks and whether they're in or out currently.

What I've realised is that work has become somewhat of a boulder...or maybe a slab of concrete!

I've allowed it to dominate my time and brain space, and so my study has gone on the back burner for a while...as in my course, my own soul-searching and reading in general.

So have all creative endeavours and hobbies in general. Not to mention writing my beloved blogs!

This is in keeping with what I was writing about above where if I don't plan my week in my life outside work, my big rocks just sit there with no movement.

As I'm sitting here typing this I feel a bit disappointed in myself...like I've wasted time.

But I guess there's no point on dwelling on what's happened this year. I've certainly learnt a lot from it and the whole way along I was doing the best I could with the knowledge & experience I had.

And it's not like I've been sitting idly twiddling my thumbs!

That in itself has been one of the reasons that I haven't progressed with study or had a variety of activities in my week...a big lack of thumb twiddling or down time in general.

It's been a full on year this year, and it's only recently that I sat back to say wow, I've had a lot on this year! (And a lot to be grateful for!)

Anyway as Louise Hay's thought for November 4th said:

All obstacles are stepping stones.

And ain't that the truth.

The realisation about work being an obstacle forced me to reassess my life and say what is it that I actually want? What are my big rocks that are sitting outside of my jar?

And it didn't take me long to work out.

I miss the world of holistic health. It's my passion. It forms a big part of my life purpose.

And I want to immerse myself in it. I want to live it. I want to study and learn more and get excited about it all.

I want to have conversations with others who are just as passionate about it. I want to meet teachers who can impart their own experience and wisdom onto me.

And did I mention that I want to learn more?!

I want to move towards my dreams of helping people heal and live happier lives...through writing books and blogs, holding seminars and workshops, collaborating with them on how to improve their own health and wellbeing, interviewing others about their ideas...and oh the list goes on.

The moment I think about all of this, I feel lighter and a smile starts to form - hence why I know it's the right step.

Of course, along with this kerplunk moment came the stark realisation that it means wholesale change.

But I had to do it.

So a couple of weeks ago I handed in my resignation, saying that I'm going back to study next year.

Was that scary? Yep and it still is!

Tonight I've been wrestling with a weight in my chest and a bunch of eeekkk...will this all work out? Where will I end up?

I think because people have been asking me what I'm doing and where it will take me and I tend to feel like I give a bit of an inadequate explanation of it all.

But then if I take a breath and stop trying to justify it, I feel completely calm and just know that despite not entirely knowing what all the steps are, it's all going to work out just fine.

So I think I'll focus more on that part, and less on the worry part!

Because just like I wrote in one of my last blogs, it's just a signal that I'm busting through my comfort zone, so that's a good thing!

I'm also super fortunate to be surrounded by such a huge amount of love and support, as well as people who will challenge me if I look like I'll attempt to slip back onto easy street...ie not change!

All in all I'm really looking forward to being a student next year and working part-time.

Which by the way is one of the unknowns...I've handed in notice to my current job on a leap of faith that the perfect job will present itself at the right time.

Looking back, I've always found it easy to get work and I don't expect it to be any different this time around.

And who knows what other doors will open once I've got the space in my life for them to do so!

Of course, if you've got any suggestions or contacts for part-time jobs in the Gawler area or what I can do from home from February onwards - let me know!

Anyway, back to the point of this...

What are your big rocks?

Are they in your jar or on the outer?

Are there any changes you want to make so that they can fit in?

There's no right or wrong answer to this, but it might be interesting for you to ponder...and you might be surprised by what comes out.

I was going to put a picture of a jar of rocks, but then I thought I'd use a photo of a South Australian big rock...aka one of the ones at Remarkable Rocks on Kangaroo Island that Nathan and I visited in July 09.

Which I've realised is fairly poignant, because another big rock I want to make sure I slot in is travel!

But that's another story!

1 comment:

  1. Good for you Jess - big brave step! You are courageous to venture into the unknown, but that's what makes you feel alive. Having faith is the key to your journey and being open to opportunities that present themselves. You don't need to know whether the road leads, just take it one step at a time and allow it to unfold before you. What I've learned is that we are far more powerful, resilient, inventive, courageous, strong and enduring than what we think we are. We are amazing beings. Embrace the human experience. Go forth and discover my friend xxooxxoo