When I left you last, I had just taken the huge leap and resigned from my job to focus on my studies and myself in 2012.
Well I'm pleased to say that I have done it and I'm loving it...without doubt it's the best decision I've ever made!
Not because I didn't like my job, but because now I have the luxury of TIME!!
My whole mindset has changed, because I'm no longer trying to cram my whole life and what I really want to do into the few hours after coming home at night or on a weekend.
I just feel so much more relaxed! It's amazing what's already come to fruition, now that I've got the space for it to happen. And now that I'm just following the bread crumb trail one step at a time.
Anyway, getting back to my original sentence (which I hope you read using your best Elmer Fudd voice) and why I'm finding insight.
I'm currently giving life time to unfold and show me exactly what I'll be doing this year.
Because despite my original decision being based on a firm desire to go back to study and finish the course I started, that may not work out as first planned.
Exhibit a - a week after I wrote the last blog, I found out that due to a technical issue they're no longer offering the course I had resigned to study in the form I started it in!!!
Cue the massive EEEEKKKKK moment...oh my goodness what have I done?!
Full scale panic set in and instead of just seeing this as a potential fork in the road that could lead to something even better, I went into crisis mode.
But I resigned to study THIS course...so what will I do now? People will think I'm completely stupid that I resigned without first enrolling. But then why would I have, because I didn't see this coming!!
I needed to have a reason as to why I was leaving my full-time job...and one that didn't sound as self indulgent as 'well I'm just going to see what comes up'!!
And look I'm really just starting to let go of 'having to study' because that's what I said I'd do.
At the moment I'm realising that while yes initially that was the plan...and I've held fast to it over the past few months despite being less sure about it...it's ok to change plans!
It's ok to be taking on different work opportunities this year and doing a whole bunch of other stuff. Boy do I have a gazillion projects that I'm looking forward to getting off the ground this year.
I'm still going to be studying - just not in the formal setting where that's my only focus. There's so many courses I'd love to do this year, books I'd love to read, speakers I'd love to listen to...
And fortunately for me, I have an uber supportive husband who can see through my palaver, give it to me straight and support me in whatever will put a smile on my face. A recent conversation went a little bit like this...
Jess: I'm not sure about study now, I just don't know what I want to do.
Nathan: Stop worrying what others think. You don't need the piece of paper. Why don't you just take it one subject at a time - if you decide you like the sound of something, do it.
Ah yes, he is great at cutting to the chase!
And he was dead right. I do like the thought of having the piece of paper.
Because then that says that I know what I'm talking about if I want to help someone else.
Why would someone want to listen to me if I don't have any credentials?
So there inlies the first part that I need to let go of.
Because first of all, I'm not actually planning to go into private practice as a counsellor, and secondly - who says people won't want to listen to me...I might just have something interesting to say!
I think I get caught up in having to be an expert, or at least having someone else's teachings to back up what I'm saying.
Ha ha - perhaps this is the end belief of studying at Uni where you couldn't have your own opinion in an assignment...unless that is someone else had had that opinion first and you could reference it!
Anyway essentially I've worked out that I was identifying with the course, rather than the end result.
Which is that I want to help people heal...but by that I mean that I want to empower others to heal themselves.
And what I really want to do - is help others connect to the ways that will help them do just that.
I don't want to profess to know everything - I actually really like just being a student of life and telling people about that.
The part of my own journey that I love is the brainstorming...why is this happening, what can I do to change it, what will help me do that??
And I just love learning!
Also, as I've said before - I'm happy to stand up on stage and say this is what I've done and it's worked for me...maybe it will work for you to? To help people realise that there's other people just like them who have had the same issues, they're not big fat weirdos and things can always get better!
The other part is - I really love introducing people to other people.
The thought of putting on events that bring together a range of speakers, or having my own radio show where I can interview others is super exciting!
I love talking to others who are just as passionate as me about changing parts of yourself to let go of something, or make something better in your life.
And you know what I've worked out, perhaps this course isn't the best way for me to do what I really want to do, for now. (Ha ha, notice I said 'perhaps' and 'for now' - part of me still wants to cling to it as a life raft!)
Yes I've loved the subject matter, and perhaps I'll just keep chipping away at it. If it feels like the right thing to do.
But it's not a diploma I actually need to get started on my next job opportunities.
I've got everything I need already to start those off. (And you'll just have to stay tuned to see what they are!)
Part of me also wants to finish it, because aren't you always supposed to finish what you start?
Turns out I'm actually not great at that - and it's probably something you've picked up just from reading this blog or having any conversation with me.
You want to know the funniest part about all of this - I actually started tapping this very blog out on my iPhone a week after I wrote the last one.
But I didn't want to share it until now because I think I was embarrassed.
Which shows I've forgotten the golden rule...there's always someone else who has gone through the same thing who can help. I don't have to do it all by myself!
And that I really do need to let go of needing others approval to make my own decisions right!
Anyway, as this photo clearly shows, I am absolutely free as a bird and I'm really looking forward to seeing where this year takes me...yippee!