I've got one word for you...

No.


Nope.


Nosiree.


Nein.


Non.

So there you go - I am good at saying no, I can say it normally, in slang, elongate it and I can even say it in different languages!

But apparently I'm not great at saying it in life.

Well at least that's how it appears looking from the outside in.

In the last 4 weeks I've literally had 4 people in separate conversations say to me 'soooo, you just need to learn how to say no then'...in response to me explaining how my life looks currently.

No prompting, they've all come out with it of their own accord, much to my surprise and bemusement!

I've quickly replied 'But...I can! In fact I'm heaps better now then I used to be!!'

But upon closer inspection, perhaps that's not the whole truth and nothing but.

Yes I've definitely got a lot better with saying no to different outings, even with my closest friends I can say 'you know what, I might pass on that'.

But then when it comes to new opportunities...particularly with something I've wanted to do for a while or will give me a new experience, I tend to say sure, add it to the mix.

I'm such an Aussie - the 'she'll be right' attitude is alive and well in me!

Oh and did I mention helping others? Because I'm a sucker for that. If it's something that will help another person, add it on!

Clearly it's not a bad thing to help others - I really enjoy it - but when it's at the expense of your own self, probably not so great.

So as my lovely and wise friend Ali said to me the other night...

Perhaps it's not about saying no as much as saying 'I'd love to but I can't right now, my schedule won't allow it', or words to that effect.

This is a concept I've struggled with lately - it's not so much that I'm a sadist and want to cram my schedule.

I just think I've been showing my Gen Y'ness by wanting it all now...rather than taking a step back to say ok I'll do that now, then I can do that later this year, next year etc etc.

Actually, more to the point is that I haven't had any sort of long range plan and flying by the seat of my pants isn't the best way for me to do things.

The other thing I need to do is let go of the need to be superwoman for everyone else and remember to make time to feed my soul!

As I heard the Dalai Lama himself say just last week - you need to make sure you take care of yourself first so then you're able to help others.

And yes, I know there's been quite a few of you saying this to me lately - it's definitely a lesson for me at the moment!

The question I find myself asking is why do I have to be superwoman anyway?

And since when did I become the person who can't stop or take time for myself?

I'm not quite sure really, but I'd like to let both go because neither is doing much for me.

So now my mission...and yes I choose to accept...is to take the cape off and put my undies back on the inside!

What SHOULD I do next?

I've fallen into a familiar pattern in the last week - it's a mix of fear and procrastination.

Hence no blogs in a week - despite overflowing with subject matter to write about, in fact I think I'd have enough for at least 2 weeks in advance!!

Anyway, back to the familiar pattern...

I find that when things start to build up in my life, as in I have a bunch of things I want to do and they're coming at me from all angles...I start to withdraw, and in fact I can just want it all to stop!

Rather than just chipping away at my tasks, I decide to just sit back and look at it all...hoping that magically someone else can sort it all out for me!

Heaven forbid I do what makes me feel best and sit down to write my to-do list then have a plan of action...nope I like to put things off and not start things, while my subconcious feeds me thoughts throughout the day like...

'Eeeeekkkkk, what do I do next? When will I be able to do ALL of this? Will I be able to do every task? What if I don't do it RIGHT? What if I'm not reading the signs right here and I'm doing the WRONG thing? Can I afford to do that class, buy that book?"

And I say subconcious - because often I don't actually notice this thought speaking aloud in my head.

Nope - the clear indicator for me this week has been that insidious feeling of anxiety sitting on my chest...it's not strong, but it's there, just simmering away under the surface.

So I know I'm fearing something about the future, because my body tells me so loud and clear!

This is definitely an old record, and one that's essentially an automatic reaction...because once I start to look at in conciously, I realise I'm actually fine.

I have plenty of choices. I'm actually really good at planning, and at chipping away at things.

But when I let the old record play - it's all about 'if I don't have enough time to do it ALL and all at once, I don't want to even start.'

The old ducks in a row syndrome eh!

You know the one - unless all ducks are standing very neatly in a row, I can't even begin.

Do I have to know every part of where something's going to end up before you get started?

No, of course not! But my brain likes to tell me that. And it also likes to tell me that it's going to take ages, so no point even starting because I won't have the time.

My instant reaction when I'm in this kind of mode is eek, how can I do it all.

What an internal drama queen I am!

So as you can see - I've got some rewiring to start this week...bit by bit I might add!

And here's some inspirational thoughts to get me moving...

In the words of Nike - Just do it.

In the words of a lot of people - feel the fear and do it anyway.

And to finish with today - a sentence I've heard Marianne Williamson say over & over again this week in a clip on Hayhouse Radio...radio for your soul...

Your greatest fear is not that you're inadequate. Your greatest fear is that you're powerful beyond measure.

And isn't that the truth.

Giddyup - it's time to rock and roll.