What did you say?

The eagle eyes amongst you might have noticed that I started my last blog by saying that I'm finding insights, rather than the traditional Elmerism of hunting.

That's because I've been watching what I say and write of late so that it matches what I really mean, or more importantly what I'd like to project into my future.

Because as the legendary Louise Hay puts it...

Every thought you think and every word you say is an affirmation.

Some call it creating self-fulfilling prophecies...others say 'be careful what you wish for'...but all in all, I believe that the words you use shape your future experience.

Anyway, getting back to choosing your words wisely, here's two examples to get you thinking...

I can't wait!

I noticed a few weeks back how much I used to say 'I can't wait' a lot.

It was generally because I was excited about what was going to happen - but not that I literally couldn't wait for it happen.

When I thought about it, I realised that it implies wanting to jump ahead and not experience the moments that lead up to it.

It makes sense too, because I am working on releasing the need to be impatient!

As Louise puts it, impatience is just resistance. In many cases, it's resisting what you need to learn or experience along the way...or in my case, it was often not relaxing and having faith and just letting it all unfold as it needs to.

It used to manifest in a negative way back when I was having many an anxious moment - I would just want something to be over now so I didn't have to go through it.

But I think now, it had just become a habit.

Well not any more!

Since I noticed, I've worked on picking myself up anytime I go to say it and changing it.

Instead of I can't wait for... 

I now use I'm so looking forward to...

Semantics I know, but it does make a difference.

Saying 'I can't wait' brings in a sense of frustration and impatience...trying to pull it into your experience quicker.

Versus 'I'm looking forward to' which is about hope, excitement and being happy for it to happen when it does.

It almost makes me feel like I'm going to be unwrapping a present...ha ha ha I just realised that I would be - the present moment!

Should

This one little word is an absolute cracker. The first time I was introduced to what should means was when I did an anxiety workshop many moons ago.

In essence, the moment you mention should it creates right or wrong. 

It can also establish a rule or a standard that you think you're supposed to live by...and if you don't, watch guilt come in!

Or if the should is pointed at another person, enter anger or annoyance for them not living up to your standards.

My solution: ditch it! 

Getting back to Louise Hay, she puts it briliantly in her book You can Heal Your Life, where she says that any time you feel a should coming on, replace it with I could or I could choose to...

I should do that today.

I could choose to do that today.

See how much lighter it feels!

What other body changes do you notice? Shoulders lift? Head lift? Anything else?

In a great article that my lovely friend Ellen sent me, when you use 'should' in relation to another person - whose rule are you using?

And are you trying to put responsibility onto that person when in fact it's not their rule or standard and the way the other person acts is out of your control.

He should have let me know about that.

I would have liked it if he let me know about that.

There's a bunch of other words that I could talk about here...

In my opinion, never and always get bandied about way too much without actually being true...'knowing my luck' is just a great way to keep bringing more of the same into your life...'things always happen in 3's' even though plenty happen in 1's, 7's, 300's...and I could go on!

But anyway, your homework for this week is to notice what you say and what you write.

Don't become obsessive about it, but just notice if you say something often and how it makes you feel.

Does it make you feel good? Do you actually want that to come true? If not, is there another way to say it?

Are there any sayings or common words that you use as a habit, but don't actually mean?

Kick them to the kerb and replace with something better!

Have fun!

The only way to change your life is to do it yourself!

I think I’ve forgotten this!

There’s a few things that I’ve been wanting to change about  my life, but have realised I’ve been waiting for it to magically land in my lap…or if I whinge enough then someone else will do it for me. Ha ha!

And whinging really isn’t my style. In fact it feels awful!

It's made me feel so unbalanced, and it just feels unnatural…not the happy, laid back being that I like to be!

I much prefer being positive, looking at what I want, putting it out there and following the bread crumb trail the Universe lays down for me…

Backed of course by writing often to celebrate my wins, delve further into my life and let go of any old patterns – staying in my head with my thoughts is a crowded place, the instant I put it on paper it’s amazing what comes to light!

And did I mention keeping my thoughts focused on the positive - it's amazing how much lighter I feel when I stick to this simple little trick!

But I’ve allowed myself to get dragged into the quagmire of stagnant thinking by my ego who’s role is to keep me from changing, improving and in general getting out of my comfort zone!

I don’t like this, I don’t like this…I wish this would change…why are they doing that…it’s not my fault (ha ha, my own personal favourite!)…

All in all I’ve been doing way too much in my head and not getting it out. The sneaky thing is I hadn’t realized how much was hiding until the last week or so when I started saying it out loud.

So what now?

#1 - Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change

This little saying has had such a profound effect on my life any time I’ve thought to apply it!

You know when you feel stuck about something and suddenly you see that little glimmer of light that there is another option…

How much better do you then feel when you realise you can change something about the situation!

The simplest flip is to look for the positive in something rather than the negative.

Quickest way to do that – in the midst of whatever’s happening, say ‘I’m grateful for…’

You can always find something to say thank you for even if not everything’s going ‘right’ for you.

It could be ‘I’m grateful that this is showing me exactly what I don't want'!! Or 'I'm grateful to be learning something new about myself...'

Another other good trick - taking a step back to say all in all my life is great, and there's definitely stacks of people who are worse off.

Not to mention lifting up from the problem to see how in the grand scheme of things, this is a very small part of my life!

Don't believe your ego when it tells you it's a life threatening issue...chances are it isn't!!

#2 - Be the change you want to see in the world

I’ve done a cracking job of acting like a victim of late. Blame’s a powerful tool of the ego, trying to convince you that it’s not your fault!

But who’s the person making each choice in your life…no-one else can think for you!

Yes they can give you plenty of input, giving you ammunition to say ‘well it’s not my fault…they convinced me…’

But at the end of the day – you are the only person who can think for you. You are the only person who can make each choice, take each step etc etc.

So time for this Princess to suck it up and start taking full responsibility again!

And that in itself is a great feeling.

Saying to myself ‘I take full responsibility for my life’ makes me lift straight away.

Taking responsibility for my own life has such an empowering effect. It brings me back into the realm of solutions, rather than focusing on the problem.

#3- Choose to choose your thoughts!

I’m a big fan of the law of attraction, it just makes sense to me.  In it’s simplest form, I see it as creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

Hence why I’m often heard to say ‘well if you think that’s going to happen, then it will’!

How I feel and what I say creates my life…and I haven’t been guarding my thoughts and statements enough lately.

I’ve been letting a bunch of sludge hang out in my head and come out of my mouth!

As the lovely Louise Hay says – every thought is an affirmation.

So by complaining, you’re affirming that you’d like more of that in your life.

Conversely, by choosing your thoughts and making them positive, the results are instant…more things to be positive about!

And so now I’m sure you can connect the dots… by focusing purely on what I don’t like – I’m creating more off that!

#4 - Stop trying to stop the flow, just sit back and enjoy the ride!

In the past month or so, I’ve just felt like I’m either swimming up stream, or just been trying to jam the oar in to stem the flow.

I’ve had the lovely combination of either trying to force things and being impatient…or sitting back and whinging about what isn’t changing.

So now I've decided to get out of my own way!

Stop taking life so seriously...relax...and whenever I feel like I'm forcing things, I'm going to put up the white flag and say universe, your move!!

Because after all, I know that everything is happening in the perfect order and it will all be revealed just at the right time!

So I thought I'd leave you with a photo of me sitting on the beach at Byron last week...a great example of where I had a few moments of aaaahhhhhh.....and boy was I grateful for it...

And PS - Kristin & Lisa, this one's for you! Thank you for reminding me of my now 5 week old promise to write more blogs again!!

I've got one word for you...

No.


Nope.


Nosiree.


Nein.


Non.

So there you go - I am good at saying no, I can say it normally, in slang, elongate it and I can even say it in different languages!

But apparently I'm not great at saying it in life.

Well at least that's how it appears looking from the outside in.

In the last 4 weeks I've literally had 4 people in separate conversations say to me 'soooo, you just need to learn how to say no then'...in response to me explaining how my life looks currently.

No prompting, they've all come out with it of their own accord, much to my surprise and bemusement!

I've quickly replied 'But...I can! In fact I'm heaps better now then I used to be!!'

But upon closer inspection, perhaps that's not the whole truth and nothing but.

Yes I've definitely got a lot better with saying no to different outings, even with my closest friends I can say 'you know what, I might pass on that'.

But then when it comes to new opportunities...particularly with something I've wanted to do for a while or will give me a new experience, I tend to say sure, add it to the mix.

I'm such an Aussie - the 'she'll be right' attitude is alive and well in me!

Oh and did I mention helping others? Because I'm a sucker for that. If it's something that will help another person, add it on!

Clearly it's not a bad thing to help others - I really enjoy it - but when it's at the expense of your own self, probably not so great.

So as my lovely and wise friend Ali said to me the other night...

Perhaps it's not about saying no as much as saying 'I'd love to but I can't right now, my schedule won't allow it', or words to that effect.

This is a concept I've struggled with lately - it's not so much that I'm a sadist and want to cram my schedule.

I just think I've been showing my Gen Y'ness by wanting it all now...rather than taking a step back to say ok I'll do that now, then I can do that later this year, next year etc etc.

Actually, more to the point is that I haven't had any sort of long range plan and flying by the seat of my pants isn't the best way for me to do things.

The other thing I need to do is let go of the need to be superwoman for everyone else and remember to make time to feed my soul!

As I heard the Dalai Lama himself say just last week - you need to make sure you take care of yourself first so then you're able to help others.

And yes, I know there's been quite a few of you saying this to me lately - it's definitely a lesson for me at the moment!

The question I find myself asking is why do I have to be superwoman anyway?

And since when did I become the person who can't stop or take time for myself?

I'm not quite sure really, but I'd like to let both go because neither is doing much for me.

So now my mission...and yes I choose to accept...is to take the cape off and put my undies back on the inside!

Time to get back on the horse!

I was thinking this as I was walking up my driveway just now, that I really need to write a blog post tonight and get back on the horse because it's been too long.

Then literally, just as I finished thinking it - in the distance a horse neighed!!!

So really, how could I say nay to that kind of encouragement!! Ha!

The last week or so has been an interesting one - I've been following an old pattern of trying desperately to finish off things and start new ones at the same time...without much success in either arena.

Well that's bollocks really - I'm definitely getting somewhere with cleaning and organising our house...I've gotten rid of a whole bunch of stuff (anyone who's come to our house hasn't walked out empty handed!!)...and am pretty close to having everything sorted.

And I suppose from a mental perspective I've done a fair bit of housecleaning too - noticing some old patterns that I need to chuck out and replace, or just give a good polish to. Not to mention that I've had a stack of kerplunk moments...you know the ones when the ball suddenly drops!

I guess the part that's irritating me because it's all taking longer than I expected and I just want to be done!

I'm itching to get to the new stuff!!

When I've got certain things I feel I need to finish before I start anything new...all the new ideas start to build up, and I feel a little bit overwhelmed and like I don't know what to do next, and I've got all this stuff to do and not enough time to do it, and if only the world would just stop for a moment and let me catch up...!!!

Hence why I'm getting a build up on my chest at the moment - because I've been feeling like it's all piling up on top of me.

The antidote? Get organised! 

The only surefire way I've found to counteract this is to write it all down and get a bit of a plan happening...once it's on paper in front of me, I quickly realise that I don't actually have that much to do, and I've got plenty of time to do it.

That and I need to remind myself that it's ok if not everything gets done right this minute. It'll all happen just as it's supposed to.

But then what am I missing out on if I stop to plan?! 

Welcome to the tennis game I've got going on...often unbeknownst to me unless I stop to pay attention to what I'm really thinking. Or my body lets me know...exhibit a, the heavy chest.

Here's a photo of our spare room floor at the moment...it looks like a big fat mess, but I've already put a bunch of stuff away so I know I'm getting somewhere and it won't be long until it's all clear.

And I think that's a pretty good analogy for my life right now.

There's a lot on the sorting pile at the moment - and it's all becoming clearer by the moment.

I just need to focus on it being clear, not the state it's in right now!

Just another great example of needing to focus on what you want...not what you have, or don't have as the case may be!

Ahhhhh, feels good to be back.....