Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What SHOULD I do next?

I've fallen into a familiar pattern in the last week - it's a mix of fear and procrastination.

Hence no blogs in a week - despite overflowing with subject matter to write about, in fact I think I'd have enough for at least 2 weeks in advance!!

Anyway, back to the familiar pattern...

I find that when things start to build up in my life, as in I have a bunch of things I want to do and they're coming at me from all angles...I start to withdraw, and in fact I can just want it all to stop!

Rather than just chipping away at my tasks, I decide to just sit back and look at it all...hoping that magically someone else can sort it all out for me!

Heaven forbid I do what makes me feel best and sit down to write my to-do list then have a plan of action...nope I like to put things off and not start things, while my subconcious feeds me thoughts throughout the day like...

'Eeeeekkkkk, what do I do next? When will I be able to do ALL of this? Will I be able to do every task? What if I don't do it RIGHT? What if I'm not reading the signs right here and I'm doing the WRONG thing? Can I afford to do that class, buy that book?"

And I say subconcious - because often I don't actually notice this thought speaking aloud in my head.

Nope - the clear indicator for me this week has been that insidious feeling of anxiety sitting on my's not strong, but it's there, just simmering away under the surface.

So I know I'm fearing something about the future, because my body tells me so loud and clear!

This is definitely an old record, and one that's essentially an automatic reaction...because once I start to look at in conciously, I realise I'm actually fine.

I have plenty of choices. I'm actually really good at planning, and at chipping away at things.

But when I let the old record play - it's all about 'if I don't have enough time to do it ALL and all at once, I don't want to even start.'

The old ducks in a row syndrome eh!

You know the one - unless all ducks are standing very neatly in a row, I can't even begin.

Do I have to know every part of where something's going to end up before you get started?

No, of course not! But my brain likes to tell me that. And it also likes to tell me that it's going to take ages, so no point even starting because I won't have the time.

My instant reaction when I'm in this kind of mode is eek, how can I do it all.

What an internal drama queen I am!

So as you can see - I've got some rewiring to start this week...bit by bit I might add!

And here's some inspirational thoughts to get me moving...

In the words of Nike - Just do it.

In the words of a lot of people - feel the fear and do it anyway.

And to finish with today - a sentence I've heard Marianne Williamson say over & over again this week in a clip on Hayhouse for your soul...

Your greatest fear is not that you're inadequate. Your greatest fear is that you're powerful beyond measure.

And isn't that the truth.

Giddyup - it's time to rock and roll.

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