By 11am today, I was feeling really fatigued and by the time I got home I've felt completely demotivated and just like I don't really care.
It's funny, because I've told a couple of friends in the last couple of days that in the past month or so, I've realised that I am happy to divulge my honest thoughts...it doesn't really worry me now what others think about them. A big change for me, but a good one!
And then here I am thinking that I'll wait until I have something happier or positive or inspiring to write before I type my next blog post.
Enter 'Trailing Grace' - the fantastic new blog of one of my good friends Grace - and her interesting, inspiring introspective for today was all about the child within and honouring your inner voice.
The end two paragraphs really stood out for me...
This reconciliation between the two sides has resulted in a deep sense of harmony. I am no longer fighting over myself over a bar of chocolate or whether or not I should go for a run. We share the same goals. We are a team. Now that I am no longer fighting myself, I have so much more energy to move forward. I'm almost scared to think of what could happen. But I won't think.... I'll just do. One step at a time.
Until tomorrow, takes steps in resolving your inner conflict and reconcile your opposing facets.
So what's my inner conflict today? Why am I feeling funky?
Partly, I think I've just been employing an old habit of mine which is polarised thinking - ie if it's not all good, then it's all bad.
While for the most part I'm an uber positive person (ha ha Dad, that uber wasn't necessary, I put it in just for you!) I do have quite high standards for myself, and once I'm feeling a little flat, I jump on it to try and untangle it.
Because I do take full responsibliity for all aspects of my experience, once it's not 100% positive, I tend to chastise myself - and it turns into what am I doing wrong to have created this (hello ego!).
Often I'm pretty sure that if I'd just let the thought go on it's way rather than focusing on it and making more of it, it would have died a timely death.
But no, being a recovering perfectionist, I try and fix it!
Then there's the good old impatience shining through - I feel like I'm in an incubating time at the moment, but where's the excitement in that! I want to be doing something!!!
Oh little grasshopper, one day you will learn the value of resting and just being!
Phew, well I am going on a bit here, and essentially writing what should be 5 blog posts in one.
Anyway, the good news is - I'm feeling a lot less funky and a lot more spunky again now. In fact I'm sitting here giggling about how I can get so serious about things sometimes!
But that's a whole other blog...and I am now looking forward to writing again regularly. There is plenty that I want to share, and it won't all begin with mopey diatribe!