Friday, February 11, 2011

Hold on, let me explain!

In response to Grace’s great comment about my last blog, I thought I’d take this opportunity to clarify – because I’ve clearly been misunderstood!
I wasn’t trying to say that the past is over and done so therefore it should have no impact, or that we should all be starting afresh each and every second of the day.
Or that you’re an idiot if any part of your past affects you. (Ha! I'm a walking example of how it does!)
And I definitely wasn’t saying ‘it’s the past, so get over it’. (More like - it's the past, you can choose how it affects you.)
Nor was I trying to encourage anyone to sweep anything under the carpet! That’s the worst thing you can do because then it either builds up and up and up, or sits under the surface festering and both can have all sorts of repercussions.
And I also wasn’t meaning that everything will magically disappear of its own accord without you needing to think about it, or delve into it to let it go.
As Grace rightly said – once you notice you’ve got a ‘break’, it’s then you can choose to fix it or continue to limp...that's the power you have in the now.
And each person is different in how they do that, I definitely agree with that.
For me, I need to write about it to try and figure out why I’m holding on to it and get to the core of the issue. That and talk about it with others, but most of my aha moments come out of writing.
Often it can take me some time (and repeating the same lesson!) until I can ‘fix the break’ and let it go. (A whole bunch of time with some things!!)
More to the point – it can often take me some time to work out that I am actually limping!
Case in point was the most recent parts of the past. They'd been there for some time and I did try to limp on for a while.
Then I realised I couldn't just keep ignoring it and hope it'd go away, so I made the choice to look at it (or intervene as Grace put it) and had to do a whole bunch of work on to let go. The funny thing was, what I thought was the core issue turned out to only be a layer and there was plenty more underneath!
Anyway, the point I was trying to make with my last blog was that you can’t change the actual experience you had and you can’t erase it (particularly if it was something you didn’t like!).
But you can change the way you look at it and how that part of your past affects your present and future. And that it can be a lot healthier to release any icky emotion you have about your past. 
And essentially as I see it, that is what life is all about! It’s about learning and growing from the different moments of your life.
I’ve realised that my bookshelf analogy probably sounded like I was trying to shut my past away in a vault or that it's separate to me now. Not at all. Each part of my past has brought me to the place where I am now, and I love that (despite sometimes wanting to erase things I've done!).
Each time I learn something new or have a breakthrouh, I don't see it as me becoming a new me - just a new and improved version. I think I'm probably up to Jess v28.11 at the moment!
As Grace put it – as soon as you become aware of something that’s holding you back, it’s then that you have a choice, then that you have power.
And that’s what I was trying to say. Now is when you have power – you can shape your future (and how your past affects you) by what you do right now.
I was wondering whether I need to apologise but I think it’s more a case of us both saying the same thing – we’re just walking on parallel roads!
Thank you Grace for your comment and giving me the chance to explain further! And for writing what I was trying to get at in such succinct terms.
I love the limp analogy – that’s perfect!
And it brings up another great point – if anyone agrees or disagrees with what I say, you’re more than welcome to leave a comment or send me an email!
Happy Friday everyone - hope it's a good one!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Jess, I wasn't having a go at you per se. I know so many people who say to me "the past is the past, get over it" and they're often the same people who try to hide or ignore someone from an uncomfortable or painful past situation. To me, that's not getting over the past - that's running away from it! It's what I would describe as a perfect example of an emotional limp. I guess that was the point I was illustrating.

    You are right about our choices being in the present moment. We can choose now how we view the past and those choices shape our present moment. We often run on automatic pilot, therefore being aware of our reactions (programmed in the past) and consciously taking over the helm, puts us in the driver's seat of our lives. That is the most empowering place to be.

    The thing is with automatic cruise control, it that it's our default setting and we don't even know that we're living in reaction most of the time. It's taking a step aside and witnessing how we respond to situations that will determine whether we are living consciously or in reaction. Conscious living gives us choices. Choices gives us freedom - freedom from the past.

    Hmm... that was therapeutic. I might write a blog post about that ;-)

    Love and hugs,
    Grace xx