Another old habit of mine that's been coming to the surface of late is what I like to call my 'ducks in a row' syndrome.
I have a tendency to want all of my ducks standing to attetnion nicely before I start something new...part a) of which is I want to know where I'll end up before kicking off!
To all of you 'fly by the seat of your panters', you'll be thinking where's the fun in that!
And I agree - often it can shut me down and make me take longer to get started on something, because I can't see what all the steps will be, or if I'll end up where I want to.
I guess it's a bit of a fear thing...of failure or success I'm not really sure.
The funny thing is, I'm actually quite good at living in the moment and just taking life as it comes.
Take last weekend for example. I spent the best part of 3 days with Ben traipsing around Sydney. And not once did I really know where I was, or what was happening next.
And I loved it!
I'm so used to being the navigator or the organiser (which is part is probably because I like being in control!), so the best thing was not having the foggiest where I was.
The other way my line of quackers manifests...needing to have enough time to finish something in full before I start it. Rather than chip away at it.
It's an interesting thing really and I'm not really sure why I do it. It causes me to put some things off for agres and in general get behind.
Again, I'm sure it's got something to do with the fear of failure/success. Oh and how could I forget perfectionism. Me and the big P - we go way back!
But again, the antidote is planning.
I'm great at keeping multiple things rolling along when I've got a plan written down. And when I've broken a big task into smaller ones.
Try and keep it all in my head and I come unglued.
I think I attempt to do it all in my head because it works for other people and therefore I 'should' be able to do that to. (Did I mention the word perfectionism, and therefore having unreachable standards for myself at times!)
And there inlies the problem. I'm not everyone else, and as Mum would rightly point out to me many times as a kid or teenager 'if your friends were going to jump off a bridge, would you?'
No. So then why do I persist in using a method that works for others and not me?!
I like planning. I like being organised. I like knowing where I'm headed. In fact I love it.
I'm the geek at work who loves the project plans complete with a gannt chart because I respond so well to anything that's visual.
And I work best when I use my magical project plans.
So the lesson for me?
Well I think there's 2 good ones here.
First is a new favourite quote from Denise Linn - it doesn't have to be done perfectly, it just has to be done. And be willing to do it badly.
And 2 - do what works best for this little black duck.