So as I sat down to eat tea with Nathan at our favourite restaurant Star House, I had that much whirring in my head that I said 'Sorry I have to be rude for a moment and write something down here' well type it onto my iPhone - same same...
It's such an incredible sadness in itself - particularly considering he was only a 24 year old boy - compounded even moreso by the fact that their dad did the same only a couple of years ago.
I couldn't help but just feel overtaken by sadness, the thought of that happening in my family is just...
But doesn't it help put your own life in perspective.
I'm not saying that my or your own worries or issues are any less valid, but you know what - do they really matter?
In the grand scheme of things - for me I have to answer no!
I have a fantastic life and I love living - and I'm so glad that the thought of not wanting to wake up tomorrow has never even entered my mind.
I love my family, I love my friends, I love myself - my magnificent mind, body and soul. Perhaps this was the wake up call I needed to stop sweating the small stuff and to get back to enjoying life, not taking it so seriously and to be grateful for everything that I have. Wow I feel like I've been punched in the face and want to burst into tears (and I did have a few tears behind my glasses!) But at the same time I want to take this moment and use it.
It's so funny because I was only talking to my workmate Lisa today about how there is always someone worse off than you - something my Nanna used to always say, right to the end of her life, and it's inspired me ever since.
And if this isn't proof of exactly that I don't know what is. Life is precious. Live. Love. Laugh. Be happy.
And may you now rest in peace James. My heart goes out to your beautiful sister and mum especially, as well as everyone that knew you and is left to pick up the pieces. I hope they're able to celebrate all the good times while they mourn and try to adjust to not having you here anymore.